The Gnostic Blogger

Watch That First Step

2007-08-03T10:15:00.001-04:00

Never let it be said that I'm not willing to try new things…

I have a friend who is going through a Divorce and she asked if I would be willing to go skydiving with her. The jump was set for yesterday and what follows are my impressions…

They kept us on the ground for 4 hours waiting for our turn to jump. We watched as they ran flight after flight of jumpers up. They had this down to a science and I would say they ran a flight of about 8 jumpers every 40 minutes. These guys must be making a fortune out of this gig! Funny, but in all the time watching I never really got that nervous about the upcoming jump. I have never found myself afraid of death, but it's interesting to be put in the position to really consider the possibility.

We boarded the plane and began an ascent to 2 miles, where the jump would begin. As I look out of the small plane (at the earth getting smaller below me) I begin to feel a little fear creep in…there's no going back now and the gaping door at the back of the plane seems like the last place where I would want to be. The Jump Leaders keep us all talking (I'm sure this is to keep the nerves down) and the flight up seems to take a lot less time than the 20 minutes that actually passes. We are strapped to our jump partners (you are not allowed to jump alone on you first jump) and we begin to approach the jump door. My friend is immediately ahead of me and as I crouch in the door, I watch her fall from the plane. There is the briefest moment of panic as I look out at the earth miles below me and realized that I am about to jump; I am not afraid of heights, but the idea of having NO MEANS of support is a little daunting. Still, there is much for me to remember and the moment passes very fast.

I leap from the plane and begin to freefall. The freefall lasts about one minute, but what a minute it is!!! I am falling at 120 mph. We have people taking film (as this is our first jump) and my cameraman catches me by the hand and sets me into a spin. I enjoy the spin and find that my brief fear has totally left me. I am in awe of this experience and just wish the freefall could go on. I read the altimeter and realize that it's time to pull the chute. I pull the cord and wait for the chute to open (it takes a few seconds). Suddenly, I am pulled back hard by the four connection points to my jump partner; my legs swing wildly below me and it feels as if I am actually climbing again after the feeling of falling that preceded. Now I have time to get a look around and enjoy the jump. I can see the skyline of Philadelphia in the distance and the cars far below that are on their way to Atlantic City. The ground below me is a patchwork of fields and woods. My jump partner asks if I would like little speed and when I answer in the affirmative, he puts us into an angle where we face directly to the ground and begin to spin in a corkscrew. I can again feel the strong wind on my face and am enjoying the sensation as the ground rises up to me. Before long, we are preparing for our landing and I can see the zone about 50 feet below me. I am now concentrating on "sticking" my landing and am surprised by how quickly the ground comes up to meet me. I raise my feet in front of me and keep my legs close together (to protect the ankles from breaking as I hit). The landing is smooth and I am almost giddy with the whole experience. I remember saying to my cameraman (who filmed my landing) that I need to do this again SOON.

My friend enjoyed the jump as much as I did and we are planning to jump again in September (after the summer rush has calmed down). I'm not sure how many of you have ever considered skydiving, but I'd say it's something everyone should experience at least once in their life…I'm sure glad I did it!

Best! Norm.

Singapore

2007-08-03T10:08:00.000-04:00

For me, all Asia is dominated by two great women…Hong Kong and Singapore. Hong Kong is a woman with a wild and mysterious past. She is older now and her abandon has been tempered by maturity. She still carries a wild streak and you know you're in for an incredible ride when you take her out.

Singapore…Singapore is the 19-year-old girl with the perfect body and stunning beauty. She is almost too perfect to look at straight on. She is uncertain and aloof. Hong Kong wraps her arms and legs around you and drowns you in her sexuality. Singapore sits back and waits for you to make your move. She is willing and friendly, but she hasn't gained the boldness of experience. I spend this weekend in Singapore and I drink in the delights of this wonderful place.

Singapore is an island city/country that lies at the bottom of the Malay Peninsula. This is as close to the equator as you can get and the heat and humidity here hit you hard as you leave the hotel. The city is one of the cleanest and most beautiful in the entire world and it is both exotic and cosmopolitan. You will not find so much as a speck of trash anywhere here and the jungle seems to blend right into the city streets, leaving all green and lush. This is a very modern city, but it is filled with remnants of its British colonial past. There is a large Cricket Club across from the Parliament House and the Boat Quay is lined with Irish Pubs and Tea Houses.

Mosques share the streets with Buddhist and Hindu temples and there are Episcopalian churches sprinkled thru ought. As you walk the streets, you pass Indian women in Sarongs, Chinese in silk dresses, and Malaysians in flowered prints. Eating, drinking and partying (and shopping for those who care) dominate everything!

Red Chinese lanterns line the Boat Quay along the Singapore River and I sit drinking a Tiger beer and waiting for my Peppered Crab (the local specialty and an incredible dish!!!). Water taxis ply the river and there is the sound of conversations in a dozen languages as people laugh and talk about the day and the coming evening. Dinner here is late (like in Europe) and the diners move right from their meal and into the bars and discos. The parties run all night long and after things begin to slow, everyone either heads to breakfast or off to bed (until about noon).

There's a Jimmy Buffett song with the lines…"I could use some rest I can't run at this pace very long. Yes it's quite insane; I think it hurts my brain. But it cleans me out and then I can go on..." Yep. That's how I feel. I know I could never run with this woman full time, but damn she makes you glad you're alive!

Best! Norm.

The Club

2007-05-14T20:51:00.000-04:00

Travel has become a very big part of my life and I find myself alone (and far from home) most of the time. One of the most common “haunts” for me has become Hong Kong, where I am working to build a presence in Asia for my company. An interesting and wonderful thing happened during my visit here this week and I wanted to try to capture it. I have been to Hong Kong at least a dozen times and I know the city better than I do many parts of America. I love it here and if you’ve read any of what I’ve written, or listened to me for very long, you know that I have come to love the Chinese very much too. Still, this has been a city of work and my contacts here have been casual and professional. I feel as though I have finally moved past that and that I can now count a few of the residents of this island as real friends. I won’t name any names, as any association with me can’t be too good for anyone’s reputation, but I’ll try to describe what was an entirely wonderful evening.

There were four of us; two were ex-Pats that have lived in Hong Kong since 1980 (a Brit from Manchester, UK and a Sikh from the Punjab), one was born and raised in the colony and the fourth was your ignorant American Narrator. My British friend had gotten a membership into the HK Press Club twenty or more years ago and we met there for drinks. The Press Club is an old Colonial building (1911) and it reeks of character. There are still journalists who came to Asia to cover the Vietnam War that haunt the bar. We drank and began with conversations over the work we were doing…next steps and all that, when we began to settle into that wonderful state of being free to talk about things that mattered. We covered EVERTHING…politics, religion (eastern and western), spirituality, the state of humanity, books, movies, ourselves…

The intent was just a few drinks before we all went our merry way, but we became so engaged that we had soon decided to make a night of it and struck off for a good place to have dinner and greet the evening, ending up in Lan Kwai Fong. LKF is a particular favorite of ex-Pats in Hong Kong and the street is “alive” all day and all night! We had Thai and then moved one to one the dozen or so bars in the few blocks the district covers. We settled at “Insomnia”, which is a bar with no front and no door…it has the large sculpted stones columns of a castle with a low vaulted ceiling. The bar is open 24/7, so a closed front with windows or doors isn’t needed (they never close). The symbol of the place is a woman-bat kind of spirit (all very Goth). The feeling of walking right in off the street was novel. We continued our conversation and began to make the type of plans that friends do…hiking in the New Territories during my next visit, celebrations for when we launch our service, a ferry to Macau. Soon a band started playing on the street and people were dancing. I looked out from the bar and realized that the entire stretch was a solid mass of people (all having fun). I am pretty solitary for the most part, but I absolutely love a good “crowded” party and the whole scene reminded me of the time some friends and I spent an evening drinking on Duval Street in Key West. It was then that it hit me…these people were no longer just colleagues, but had become friends. I realized that I had real friends that shared a totally different life experience than anything I had known growing up. I also realized that this place, which was no more than an exotic backdrop to Charlie Chan movies for me when I was young, now seemed to fit like an old pair of jeans.

It was very late when I boarded the MTR train back to my hotel on Lantau Island…this has been a long trip and I am tired and I look forward to seeing home again, but I realize something else…I have begun to feel more than just happy when I am in HK, I have begun to feel content. While this is not yet home for me, I can easily see where I could make it my home and I know that a part of me will always be here.

Best! Norm.

A "Win" is a "Win"

2007-04-30T13:30:00.000-04:00

Baseball season is here and during a brief respite between trips I managed to get a game in coaching my son’s team. Spring rains made the whole thing iffy and the fact that we got to play today was a blessing (and the result of a lot of work on the field, which looked like a swamp when everyone first arrived). I try not to tie too much to the outcome of these games; it’s not like any of this will really mean much in 5 years time, but today was a treat…

The team had 22 hits and 15 runs during the game and dominated through the entire line-up. This was what was best about the game; even the kids that normally stand at the plate with their knees shaking got hits today. It was those hits that meant the most to me! There’s always that small group of kids that find everything easy, that will end up as Prom Kings and Business Executives; for these kids, a little victory means nothing (and is expected). But the faces of the also-rans as they smacked the ball into the field and heard me yelling that they just scored us another run…this was worth everything!!!

The team Manager and I umpired a game after ours was over and then stopped at a Pub for a Burger and a few Beers. After a long day in the sun, the food and drink were great and we laughed and talked about how special the day had been for the boys….

I’m certainly not one of those who think of winning as everything. I’ve been lucky in life and if you tend to win a lot, you realize that it really means nothing at all. Still, to those for whom a win is a rare an elusive thing, these moments are like water in the desert! It was something to see kids that probably don’t smile too much smiling without reservation today and holding their heads up with pride. I guess winning once and a while is not such a bad thing after all.

Best! Norm.

The Wolf

2007-04-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

This is a great story!

A grandson told of his anger at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice. The grandfather said, “Let me tell you a story. I too have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do. But, hate wears you down and does not hurt the enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times. It is as if there are two wolves inside of me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so and in the right way.”

“But the other wolf is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights with everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me because both of them try to dominate my spirit.”

The Boy looked intently into his grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which one wins?”

The grandfather solemnly replied, “The one I feed.”

-Vickie Smith

Best! Norm.

A Quiet Café in Germany

2007-04-16T08:19:00.000-04:00

I don’t look for enduring happiness in this world…only happy moments.

I am working this week in Frankfurt, Germany but have chosen to stay about 20 minutes west of Frankfurt (by train) in the city of Mainz. Mainz lies on the Rhine River and is dominated by the Cathedral “Dom” of St Martin, which is over 1000 years old.

I have been blessed with beautiful weather for this visit and the blossoms of spring are everywhere (it is sunny and 80˚F). They have an open–air market here on weekends and the streets are filled with shoppers and vendors; fresh fruits, vegetables and flowers are everywhere.

I spent the entire afternoon enjoying the activity and beauty of the town and found myself near the banks of the river early in the evening. The Germans must enjoy carnival rides as I see Ferris Wheels and Rollercoaster’s on the riverbanks of every town that I have been to…Mainz is no different. I stop at a sausage vendor and get a Bratwurst that is as long as my arm and a liter of beer.

I sit beside the river and watch the families riding the carnival rides and the teenagers sunning themselves along the banks of the Rhine. The sun feels great after the long winter…the food is wonderful….the sounds are happy sounds and the sights are good sights…

I remind myself that a life is just a collection of memories…and this is a very good one. We all seem to be chasing so many things; I hope we don’t forget to chase a good memory now and then. In other words, don’t forget to stop and smell the Beer!

Best! Norm.

The Buddha

2007-03-25T06:23:00.000-04:00

Arriving in Hong Kong with a day before the schedule for my first meeting, I ‘ve got an opportunity to spend some time seeing things that I have not been able to visit on my earlier trips.

The Tian Tan Buddha and the Po Lin Monastery sit atop a hill on Lantau Island north of Hong Kong. I got to the site by taking a cable car that is similar to the ones that are commonly used in the European ski resorts. The ride took me very high about the islands and the northern territories and the trip up was beautiful. They also have a hiking path to the site, which is a 4 hour walk (I hope to do the hike on a future visit).

The Buddha itself is massive. The statue rises 34 meters above the top of the mountain and is reached by climbing 270 stairs. They had a presentation that outlined how Sidhartha became the Buddha and what in his life had led to his journey of enlightenment. I was especially moved by the simplicity and honesty of the story. The setting of this monastery is perfect for the reflection and self-awareness that Buddhism promotes. The woods that surround the peak are filled with Lilacs and the aroma on the paths that wound through the woods was intoxicating.

The temples that are interspersed amongst the trees are filled with the scent of incense as the believers send their prayers to the sky on through the burning of long sticks. I was completely at ease and completely mesmerized by the entire site. I am still searching for the religion that has the most meaning for me, that speaks most directly to my heart and mind. If the Buddhists are not there, then they are as close as I can find in any modern religion. This is a philosophy that works in this life and the next and that tells us how to live and treat each other without the mixed messages that seem to cause so much hatred and grief.

God Bless the Buddhists!

Best! Norm.

The Space Between

2007-03-25T06:16:00.000-04:00

As I write this post, I am on a plane flying from San Francisco, California to Seoul, Korea. I find this time away and out-of-touch during my trips to be very interesting; I even wrote a post about it several months’ back. This post isn’t about the time away, or even about my thoughts during these long trips. I want to talk about the little things that people do to make life better. Also, this post isn’t an advertisement, but I’m sure it’s going to sound like one.

The flight from America to Asia runs about 14 hours. This gives time for reflection, but it is definitely one of the worst parts of traveling. You find yourself cramped in a very small space for a VERY long time, cabin fever tends to set in at about 8 hours and after that you are just dying to land and get off the plane. Today, I am traveling on Singapore Airlines. Whenever I see Singapore Airlines on my itinerary, I smile...

I am a Capitalist and I believe that businesses need to be smart to stay in business (and to keep us employed), but too many people make their buying decisions on cost alone and businesses today are cost conscious to the extent of being insensitive to the people; they don’t think we care and maybe we don’t, but we should. Singapore Airlines is a little piece of heaven. The Stewardesses are uniformly: beautiful, attentive, professional, and caring. The airline provides hot towels and real food in coach (with reclining seats). These things may seem trivial, and maybe they are, but they give a little comfort when so much of our world seems cheap and impersonal. I get the feeling that Singapore Airlines cares about me, but more important, I feel like the PEOPLE at Singapore Airlines care about me. It doesn’t really take much; a smile, a friendly nod. When I fly on American airline companies, I expect them to be cheap but what is worse is that they treat me more like a box that they are moving from point to point than like a human being. This seems to have permeated right down to the attendants and ticket people, all of whom seem to feel like they have no reason to treat others with respect and kindness.

It’s not the wine, or the ice cream that they just brought to me. It is the feeling I get from everyone here that I matter and that they want me to be comfortable. When I think about it, we are all on a journey from here to there. We all get caught up in little things that have no real meaning (like how well we’re doing and how many things we have). I think how much nicer the journey would be for all of us if we’d just take a clue from this small Asian Airlines: respect each other, be kind and caring, do the little things…smile, listen, and care. The funny thing is that it takes so little, but it still seems like too much for most of us (me included).

Best! Norm.

Where do I look?

2007-03-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

I sometimes think I give you all a slanted picture of me because I tend to post a lot of spiritual stuff in this blog. I am not a particularly religious person and have actually spent very much of my life wondering if we didn’t invent God because we feared death and needed to convince ourselves that there was more after this. This thought still rumbles around in my head, but it no longer causes me discomfort because I believe in more. Even if this is all there is, I am very happy and not at all afraid of that “long dreamless sleep”. But I do believe in God….just not the same one as most of you. Well I just complained of focusing too much on religion, but here I go again (I don’t really talk about it with anyone else, so I tend to put it all here).

I was raised as a Catholic and spent my formative years in the church. While there were times when I felt exalted, most of my years in the church were a sham. The ritual and the aloofness overcame the sense of community for me. I never found God in the church. I can feel God in my heart and in the hearts of some of the people that I know and meet (certainly not all of them and actually the number is less than I’d like).

I have written a lot about my belief that this world is a lie and that we need to look within ourselves to see God. I have also said that sex and love are windows on truth and beauty…God is here too, but we need to be careful not to hold on too tight, as these will make us turn toward the material and away from the truth. There is one other place where I see God in this material world…it is in nature. I believe that whoever built this world (of lies) tried hard to copy the real world of truth and beauty; I don’t think he completely failed at this. When I am at peace, in the woods, and far from man’s devices and desires, I can often see God in the material beauty of nature. I have said before that if I have a church, this is it. When I look for God, I look to the trees and the flowers; I look to green things.

I hope you can find him/her somewhere too and I hope that when you find that place, you can still your emotions and drink in as much as you need. I have tried many times (without much success) to really meditate, like the Buddhists. I have a trip back to Hong Kong coming in a week or so. I am scheduling a side trip to see one of the Great Buddha’s. Maybe I’ll try to talk with one of the monks? At the very least, I’m going to try to sit and still my mind….Let’s see if I can’t make another connection and find another place…the one deep within me. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Best! Norm.

The Ancient Empire

2007-03-02T14:46:00.000-05:00

This post was written in August '07

I have now been to China at least a dozen times. I have traveled the more rural parts of the country and I have spent a fair amount of time in Beijing and Shanghai. I find myself drawn to this land and these people in a way that I never would have expected. The Chinese suffer the same personal shortcomings as the rest of us (malice, prejudice, greed, etc.), but there is something here that speaks to me and that makes me feel good when I am here…let’s see if I can describe it to you.

China has seen as much suffering and death as anywhere in this world and poverty and injustice are still common here. That this civilization is over 4,000 years old speaks to the fact that these people have suffered for a loooong time. Also, I have read much about China in the 20th century and I can’t find anywhere else that suffered as great a repression. Hitler killed about 6 million, Stalin probably killed about 43 million, but Mao is likely responsible for the deaths of over 70 million Chinese. He beats Hitler and Stalin put together. You can add in Pol Pot’s genocide in Cambodia and still not match Mao’s bloodlust! The Chinese have suffered all this…still suffer much, yet they are a happy, friendly and altogether wonderful people. They seem to have mastered the idea of each being a small light of warmth and friendship in the storm that is this world. They don’t dwell on the things they can’t change, but they enjoy the moment (and each other) and they “live” their lives. On my last visit to Beijing, I looked down a decrepit side street and found the residents had neither electricity or running water. Most of the Americans I know would consider this situation intolerable, but the people on the block (who were just arriving home from whatever work they did) were busy setting up tables on their doorsteps and inviting their neighbors over for Mahjong and Beer. I could hear the laughter follow me as I walked the streets back to my hotel. I know so many people that have EVERYTHING and yet never laugh that seeing these people so happy with nothing made me very humble.

I grew up hearing and seeing many things about the Chinese. Most of these from my Government and most of them bad. We all tend to hear a lot about other people from our news and from our leaders. I hope that you all realize that these people lie. My government lies and so does yours. We can only overcome the hatred that these lies beget by being open minded to each other by trying to reach out and meet others from the far corners of this crazy world…we are really very much alike and the good that you see in your closest friend can be found in China, or India, or Egypt, or England, or America. Governments and the people they govern are very different things. The media tries to make it easy for us to see others as our enemies. The only enemies that I see anywhere are the governments that repress and kill and make war with each other.

I have no desire to run anything or to tell anyone how I think they should live, unfortunately the leaders of most countries have just that desire. They became what they are exactly because they wanted to control others. I no longer believe in the benevolent leader. If they exist, they are rare indeed! I can think of only George Washington and Cincinnatus in the last two thousand years as examples. We need to find a way to control our leaders…and we need to pay less attention to the news.

Best! Norm.

Go West Young Man...

2007-03-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

This post was written in March…

I guess we all have our own bias about the culture we were raised in.

I am working in Portugal and it occurs to me time passes us by very quickly, both as individuals and as a culture. Lisbon is a beautiful city, with great food and wonderful weather. There is much here to appeal to almost anyone and things look very good for Portugal right now, but her glory is 500 years past. The days when Portugal led the world with her voyages of discovery are long gone. I guess that having visited here, I really don’t see that as such a bad thing.

America is generally accepted as the single superpower in the world, but I can hear the footsteps behind us. I do a lot of work in China and India and I just can’t see how we are going to keep our edge when the talented people from these countries really come into their own. My generation was supported (and spoiled) by the work of our parents, who lived through the Great Depression and saved the world in WWII. I look at my children (and their friends) and realize that they are even less likely to work hard (and have even higher expectations) than my generation had. A society can only coast for so long; then those that are hungrier and willing to work harder overtake it. I worry about my children’s future, but I also wonder at the game itself.

The first thing that comes to me is that the “doers” in this world are generally born of pain and suffering. I believe that as a society gets “rich”, its citizens lose the edge that propelled them. For many, this means a lowering of their living standards (and maybe the hard times that will drive another cycle). For others, the change seems less extreme…I have seen people in countries that have lost their edge and they live very good lives (France, Italy, England), but I have also seen where the standard of living has taken a deep hit and there is a lot of suffering. I ask myself if suffering is a necessary aspect of success (and if success is worth it). I haven’t seen a good balance yet…

I have had a very good life and can’t help but be thankful for all that I have been given. I don’t count on these things always being here and don’t really believe that the material things in my life have that great a hold on me (I know this is easy to say when you’re not hungry). My European friends tell me that Americans “…kill yourselves working to buy junk that you don’t need and you lock yourselves away with your junk and don’t have relationships.” Well, that’s a gross generalization, but I guess I see the point.

I’m giving my kids as good a start as I can and wish them the best. I hope they get through their lives without too much pain and suffering, but I have no way of guaranteeing this…any more than I can guarantee that I will always live as comfortably as I do now.

I guess if our time as the world-leader (economically) is coming to an end I really won’t miss it much. My goal is to simplify. “Stuff” doesn’t seem that important to me and I really regret that I did not have more time with the people who are most important to me. I am going to work on that…

I have been especially blessed that I have seen much of this world. It’s the people that make it worthwhile! Well…OK, it’s the people and the food. I thank anyone reading this for giving me a piece of your time and attention. I hope to meet you…to share a cup of coffee and a long talk, and to let you know that you are important to me and that I appreciate your company and friendship.

I could be very happy in Lisbon (and I wouldn’t look back to the glorious past, but would enjoy the beauty of Lisbon TODAY).

Best! Norm.

Where is the Love

2007-02-23T10:33:00.000-05:00

Hi,

It has been a looong time since I have posted. I will try to catch up on all that's gone on over the last several months and hope to be better about posting in future. My travel has been real heavy, but I know that's no excuse as I could easily write on the long plane rides (it's 14 hours to Asia). I have had a number of thoughts that I wanted to put down, but haven't gotten around to writing them.

I will put some of these posts together over the next few days and look forward to hearing from anyone who might be on the other end (Nesreen).

Today, I want to write about a sad phone call that I got over last weekend. The call came from a dear friend and it was clear right away the she was distraught. She told me that she had found her husband with another woman and that her marriage of the last 17 years was over. She said she hadn't shared the information with anyone else yet and asked that I be discrete (especially since her husband and I are both FreeMasons and meet regularly). We are having lunch tomorrow so that she can get some of her emotions and pain out and I am trying to decide how best to be a friend to her now when she needs one.

When I got off the call and over the shock of her news, I began to consider the situation (which seems all too common) that she was undergoing. I asked myself why we are compelled to hurt the people that are closest to us and why it is so rare for these relationships to hold. I haven't had a chance to hear her husband's story yet, but I'm sure he'll tell me that he was "empty" in his marriage and that he had fallen in love... I have shared some of his feelings and can't bring myself to condemn him for what has happened. I think he is making a big mistake and that he will regret it, but I am also sure that he has made a decision that can't be undone (even if she were to let him back, which won't happen).

People hurt each other for a lot of reasons, but hurting each other in love seems like one of the hardest cuts to bear. I think some are meant for a life together and many others are not. I am very much in this world and take the pain and the pleasure, but I find myself thinking more and more about why. The Gnostics (where this blog name comes from) believed that all aspects of this world were lies and seductions meant to keep us focussed on the material (rather than the spiritual). They believed that love and sex in particular gave us a glimpse of truth and beauty, but that this glimpse kept us from moving on to where this truth actually lay (and kept us coming back to this imperfect world). You can find similar beliefs amongst the Buddhists (who I also greatly respect). The deeper followers would be celibate and their primary aim was to ease the pain of others and prepare for the next world. I find this approach very noble and have great respect for these people (who were murdered for their beliefs by the King of France and the Catholic Church).

I guess I am not quite ready to become celibate for my beliefs, but I will do everything I can to ease suffering and pain wherever I find it. I hope that my wants and desires don't bring any more pain into this world and I look forward to leaving it when I am ready. As I get older, and the draw of love and sex wanes, I might swear off these things too. I might become strong enough to overcome the great temptations of this world and truly look to the next one. I only hope that those of us who share the spark of love and truth in our hearts do what we can for the other lost souls that share this world with us. There is far too much hate here and even in love, we can't help but hurt each other. Please be a friend to someone, we all need friends a lot more than lovers.

Best! Norm.

How Long to Hate

2006-06-29T06:35:00.000-04:00

My travels have taken me to Japan. My daughter is with me on this trip and we are both enjoying the country very much. The Japanese are extremely polite and clean and it is easy for one to believe that this is a culture worth emulating; that the peace and serenity that surrounds here is a good direction given the troubles that plague the world…still I know that all is not what it seems.

I mentioned to my Mother how much we were enjoying Japan and she politely stated that she was glad that we were enjoying our trip but that she would rather not hear or think of the Japanese. My father fought in the South Pacific during WWII and in fact had his ship sunk by a Kamikaze Pilot. I am aware of the atrocities that were committed by the Japanese military during the 1930’s and 40’s. Indeed, some of those who I work with are Chinese and there was much discussion during our meetings of the “Rape of Nanking” and of the unwillingness of the Japanese to acknowledge their crimes or apologize to the victims. Even the Germans have done this and surely the evil of the Japanese was just as bad as what I recently witnessed at Auschwitz. So I ask myself a question…How long do we hate? How long before we forgive and move on?

Surely those responsible for these crimes must be removed from society, but do their sins necessarily transfer to their children? To their grandchildren?

My country was torn apart by a brutal Civil War 145 years ago. A generation of young men was lost and the hatreds that were generated were as deep and dangerous as any that has been born in this world. To our great benefit, the leaders of both sides found a way to move on from the killing and to give the country a path to reconciliation. The good will of Abraham Lincoln, Robert E. Lee, and Ulysses Grant likely saved my country from the ongoing violence and hatred that plague so much of the world today; that continue without end in Palestine and Israel.

Humans have been evil to one another for all of history, but I fear that we honor their evil when we continue to hate when those who are worthy of hating are long dead and beyond our grasp. I understand the anger at injustice, but there must be a time when we move on. Those who claim that they need apologies for acts of injustice committed 100 or more years ago distress me. I think that these people do their ancestors no honor and only extend the reach of those who perpetrated these evils so long ago. We all have real problems to address and the fact that so many carry baggage with them of slights that have been done so long ago as not to really matter frustrate me in the extreme. I am tempted to use that particularly American retort, “Get a Life!”.

Best! Norm.

The deafening Silence

2006-06-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

Auschwitz,

I had heard the name for my whole life. I had seen pictures and heard of the horror of the place. I have even seen survivors on documentaries and news shows on the television. The fact that the place remains in living memory reminds me that all this happened a fairly short time ago. This was not some evil of the Middle Ages, when we like to think people were less civilized and caring. This tragedy was lived by my parent’s generation! While having learned these things made me understand the tragedy of the Concentration Camps, I was not prepared for the experience of actually seeing them; of actually feeling the dread and sadness that permeates this place even today.

The first thing that struck about Auschwitz was the sense of utter hopelessness. I was amazed that this feeling would come to me as a tourist/visitor and cannot image the oppressive weight of this feeling on one who was brought here as an inmate. My mind reeled at the horror of the camp and I found myself imagining that I would have to escape such a place. I looked about to see how this might be managed. The borders were of two fences about 10 feet apart. Each of the fences was barbed and electrified and guard towers covered the entire border at intervals of roughly every 20 yards. The fence was also very well lit. I could not see how this could be managed other by tunneling. When I thought of this approach, it seemed no more promising. The barracks were floored with cement and the inmates were worked and starved to death (making the work of tunneling a daunting task). Further, prisoners were isolated based on the whim of the guards. They were put in 4X4 cells with nothing to use to tunnel, or simply taken out and shot.

Once I got past the impression of escape, I was forced to face the reality of life in the camp. The guides told us that the Germans could have a prisoner shot, tortured, or gassed for any reason. Not averting your eyes or showing due respect could get you killed. For me, the mental torture and breaking of the spirit would be even worse than the physical torture.

The survival instinct in people must be an incredibly strong thing for anyone to have done what was necessary to live through the experience of these camps. When I see survivors (they were on TV for the Pope’s visit the day before I went to the camps), I wonder at the fact that their desire to live was strong enough to carry them through their experience. I know that I could not have survived…in fact; my greatest hope would have been to die quickly.

How much better than me were those who struggled through the experience, especially those who gave of themselves to their fellow inmates during these horrible times? There are a million stories of these people in the camps; of those who gave food and comfort to others; of those who survived to help keep others alive. These are true heroes and I don’t fool myself that I have this kind of strength. There was no glory in their bravery. There were no parades or bands for what they did. In the stories of these people, I find the truest picture of God on earth. These people brought God to those most in need of him and represent the best of that light, of that love, that lies within all of us. It is to know that people are capable of this love and of this goodness that makes the trip to this horrible place special.

This is the memory that I will take from Auschwitz.

Best! Norm.

An Anacronism

2006-05-15T08:40:00.000-04:00

While visiting Stockholm, I had an opportunity to visit the Vassa Museum. The museum is built around a ship that foundered in the port in 1628 and was raised in 1961. The ship itself is an anachronism; it is like the iceman that they found in the Alps several years ago. These items have fallen into our world from a distant past and they provide us a window to consider these times, if not to experience them.

Many of the sailors on the Vassa drowned when the ship went down and I spent a lot of time thinking about them. What were their dreams? Did they find happiness in their lives? What were their lives like? We hear very much about the suffering and squalor that were a central part of those times for most people in Europe. I don’t doubt that there’s some truth in this, but I’ve come to question much of what we are taught to take for granted. We are constantly told that we live in the best of all possible countries in the best of all possible worlds. I’ve seen first hand that in many ways the first part of this mantra is false…I have no more doubt that the second is equally untrue. Looking at it all from this perspective, the people who feed us this “Mom and Apple Pie” stuff are just as ridiculous as Voltaire made them out to be.

What I have found in my travels is that we are much more alike than we are different. The Chinese, the French, the Maltese, and the Greeks. People everywhere are not so very different from each other. They all share the same hopes and dreams. The same things are important to most of us, and they are not the things that we hear on the news or are told about ourselves. It’s the people in our lives, our lovers and our friends. I have seen as much happiness in the eyes of the poor farmer in Hainan as I have seen in the eyes of the rich stock broker in Manhattan. It is not comfort or things that make us happy and a hard life does not mean a life of despair.

If the people that I have met around the world are so similar, then why should the people who are separated from us by the gulf of time be any different? It seems that those in power need to make us feel that we are unique and that every one else thinks and feels differently than we do. I think they do this to maintain their own power, but it also keeps us separated…keeps us apart from one another. This is the great tragedy of our world; that our leaders would separate us for their own good and to our own great loss. I don’t think it was any different for those who died on the Vassa. They were told that they, the Swedes, were the good guys and that the Poles were the bad guys. They were proud of who they were and of what they were doing. They were proud of all the wrong things, just like we are today.

I have always been very proud of being an American, but I think I’m over that delusion now. I find much of John Lennon wrote to be naïve, but I can’t get over the idea of, “Imagine there’s no country…” That thought sounds pretty good to me!

Best! Norm.

I'm Free

2006-05-10T10:01:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting experience the other night…

I recently took my daughter to see the movie “V is for Vendetta”, which was an incredibly good movie, with a very meaningful message. But the point I want to bring into this entry is associated with a particular event in the film…one of the lead characters is tortured and overcomes her lifelong fear of death. When this happens, her antagonist tells her that she is free.

I had a massive stroke when I was 29 (15 years ago) and was not expected to survive or recover…obviously, I came out of that experience fine and have done relatively well since. I had a small spell a few weeks back while traveling. My vision went blurry for about 20 seconds and I experienced some dizziness. Normally this wouldn’t be a big issue, but with my history it made me take notice. I went to see my doctor when I got home and it doesn’t seem like this one will do me in either (it was probably just strange food or something). The point is that the brief scare gave me something of a revelation…

One evening between the dizzy spell and my seeing my doctor, we had company over and did a fair amount of drinking (ended up singing Karaoke). As I lay in bed that night, I had a headache that centered on one side of my head. It occurred to me later that this was a result of waaay too much wine, but the mind wanders late at night when you aren’t sleeping. I wondered for a moment as I lay in bed if the dizzy spell wasn’t the messenger of another large stroke coming on and if it wasn’t possible that I wouldn’t be getting up in the morning. It surprised me that the thought of dying had no fear for me at all. I was completely ready to go and comfortable with the whole idea of moving on.

I have had the same fears about death that most people have and it was such a liberating feeling to realize that I have come past all that. I have good friends and a great life and I don’t expect to leave here any time soon, but it is incredible to know that I will no longer worry about when my time arrives or regret my leaving this place and moving on. I will enjoy every moment and not focus on endings. I feel as free as the character in the movie…I hope you have the opportunity to recognize that death is nothing to be afraid of and that you can leave without regrets…I hope you find your freedom too.

Best! Norm.

Mexico

2006-04-26T11:08:00.000-04:00

This would be a great place to hide-out…

I’m feeling very “Clint Eastwood” this week. I am working in San Jose Del Cabo, Mexico. The shore here is covered with beach resorts and drunken tourists, but just a few blocks from the beach begins the barren wastelands and desert that covers most of this part of the world. They have horses next to the hotel and I took one for a ride up the beach this afternoon. There was no one on the beach except for me and I could easily believe that it was 150 years ago and that I rode alone along the edge of the desert.

I generally fill the pages of this blog with my perceptions and feelings. I guess those that read it would think me a sensitive and caring kind of guy. I guess that’s true as far as it goes, but we are none of us one-dimensional. I really don’t think of myself as very sensitive. I am very live-and-let-live, but am not tolerant of evil. I could never torture or purposely bring suffering to anyone, but I could kill someone without any moral misgivings (given the right circumstance). Anyone who might deign to do me any harm would be wise to know that I am no Pacifist. I believe that evil should be fought forcefully…There was a movie a few years ago where Samuel Jackson played the father of a 10 year old girl who’d been brutally raped by two evil young men. He took a shotgun and killed them as they were being led from court. The rest of the movie was about the drama of his character being put on trial for the murder of the two rapists. Intellectually, I understand that we have laws and that what the character did in the movie was something that he should have been punished for. I also know that I would have done the same thing as that father. I know it frustrating for all of us when we see evil done to Innocents without any recourse to justice. Sadly, it seems to me that the evil people in this world are even more prone to the murder of random Innocents. I feel that we have become impotent in the face of this new evil.

I am not proposing to put these people to death and would be perfectly happy to see them locked-up for life. I think the real frustration comes from not being able to get our hands on them…of not being able to cleanse the world of their hatred.

How many people in the world have the caricature of Americans as gun-toting Cowboys that are anxious for a fight. We are much more complicated than that and I believe we are a very peaceful people. What sometimes gives us this image abroad is that we see justice as a right…and injustice angers us to the bones. It is comforting to us to think of evil as being something we can isolate (or wipe out). I am a jeans and boots kind of guy and I feel very comfortable here in the old west. I could see myself strapping on a pair of guns and handling evil in the easiest way. I am not a violent person, but if I had a clear shot at: Hitler, Stalin, Bin Laden, Idi Amin, or Pol Pot…you can bet that I’d take it.

Best! Norm.

O

2006-04-24T14:48:00.000-04:00

A Transcendent moment…

Most of our lives are spent in the mundane things that are needed to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Many people dream of riches, but I think what they are really dreaming of is the ability to enjoy life and the things that interest them without spending all of their time in mindless toil. I’m sure there are a lot of shallow people out there who want nothing more than toys and the respect that money can buy, but I am equally convinced that more people just yearn for freedom to spend their lives feeding their souls (instead of their bellies).

I don’t have the ability to live a life of leisure, but I have found in my travels that there is much here to feed your soul, if you should seek it out. Some of the most special moments in my life have come to me through the beauty that other people bring to this world. I was able to see the Cirque de Soliel show “O” during my visit to Las Vegas a few weeks back and I had a strange revelation as I found myself transported by this incredible production. At some point during the show, my troubles and concerns were erased by my rapture at the skill and beauty of the performers and by the texture of show and its choreography. I mean to say I was completely transformed…I was outside myself with wonder and awe…this was one of those moments that make life worth living…if you read my blog regularly I could say that this was up there with great food or great sex!

It occurred to me that here was truth…that the bills and politics and hatreds that fill our world are all a LIE and that only in these brief moments of beauty do we get a glimpse of the ultimate reality…of what we are and of what we are meant to be. I want to thank, from the depth of my heart, the writers and musicians and performers who have brought me so many of these moments…who have allowed me to glimpse a little of the truth of us and have helped me to weather the unpleasant and often painful moments that fill our lives.

It pains me when artists feel it necessary to use their fame in support of some political cause. I may or may not agree with their politics, but am mostly disappointed by their lack of understanding of their gifts…it was said “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s.” Artists need to realize that they bring us a picture that is beyond this worn and false existence…that their gift is more important than what they hope to accomplish through activism and that they diminish themselves and their gifts when they prostitute them to these ends…it’s a lot like the wonderful songs that I grew up with being used to sell cars. Although I must admit being happy that my daughter got to hear Led Zeppelin (through Buick commercials) and has now come to love them, as well as a few other good old bands (she got into the Who from episodes of CSI).

I guess I should be more accepting of artists selling themselves…I need to find truth where I can and leave the rest for this desolate place. I suppose that the transcendent moment is just as transcendent if the messenger is imperfect. I guess that the talented artist is no more immune to the lies of this world than the rest of us…that they have to live here too.

I hope for you that you find many moments such as these

…that you get the chance to live outside of yourself and your life

…that you recognize the lies that fill this world and that you never succumb to the despair that they engender

Mostly, I hope that you find fun wherever you can and that you love much.

Best! Norm.

Viva Las Vegas

2006-03-20T19:42:00.000-05:00

Las Vegas…a playground for grownups.

I’ve been here many times over the years and I must admit that I LOVE Las Vegas! I’ve never been a gambler and I don’t think I’ve bet more than $20 in the dozen or more times that I’ve been here, so it’s not the gambling that I like. The food here is wonderful and if you read this blog, then you know I love food! There’s sex here if that’s what you’re looking for (I never have). What I love the most about Vegas is the energy. There is something happening here 24x7…they don’t even put clocks in the Casinos because they think you don’t, or shouldn’t, care what time it is.

Hedonism is big here. Live for the moment and have fun…This philosophy drives a lot of condemnation, mostly from those who feel that it violates their religious and moral beliefs.

I am not without moral beliefs, but I don’t agree with judging others based on these. I may agree that a dangerous murdered must be imprisoned (in some instances for life) to safeguard society, but I don’t judge the murderer. I don’t presume that I could ever know what drove him/her to commit their crime or what I might have done with the same motivation. Likewise, I don’t judge others on where they find their pleasure.

I don’t have a problem seeing Sex being promoted…
I don’t have a problem with Drugs or Alcohol…
I don’t have a problem with Gambling…

If these things bother me, then I can take or leave them as I see fit. I don’t think it’s right for me to tell other people how to live their lives. If what you do doesn’t hurt or limit the rights of anyone else, then it’s your business (as far as I’m concerned). Some would say that this belief makes me immoral in some way (certainly many of the Christians that I grew up with would say this). I think that their judgments make them immoral. There is nothing in this world that scares me more than some one who is so arrogant in their belief that they know truth (know what God wants) that they can condemn others based on their beliefs…that they can even condemn and hate others based on their beliefs. This is when belief (even in good things) becomes dangerous and evil.

I find that I can’t bring myself to hate anyone. Still, there are many out there who I pity in their arrogant ignorance (and I fear them). Please give the other guy the benefit of the doubt, or at least admit that doubt might exist…that you might not know everything.

Best! Norm.

Gag Me With a Spoon

2006-03-18T12:59:00.000-05:00

After I made my last post from Hong Kong, I continued on to the PRC (People’s Republic of China). The area where we stayed was on the south of Hainan Island. It was obvious that this area was heavily dependent on tourism and was likely atypical of the rest of the PRC…I will soon see as I have work in Beijing in a few months. Still…not being accustomed to a Totalitarian environment, a few things struck me…

I went to my blog to see if my post from Hong Kong had been successful, and found that all blogs were blocked in the PRC. I had never considered blogs as being that subversive or threatening, but I guess where ideas are your enemies…you have to keep a tight rein on them. Funny, but it made me feel kind of subversive to know that the things that I’d been writing were banned somewhere…I’m sure they don’t give a sh*t about what I think and say, but I’ll take credit for being subversive anyway ;-{)}

We visited a huge Buddhist Temple Complex that was relatively new. I have great respect for Buddhism (probably comes closer to my beliefs than any organized religion) and I kowtowed to the Buddha with the other worshippers. My colleague, who is a consummate Scientist and Cynic, commented that the whole place appeared to be a religious “Disney World” and that the Communists (who he reminded me are atheists) had likely built the place to attract tourist dollars from Indians (and Tibetans). I had to agree with him as far as the intent of the PRC building the place, but in my heart I felt that God was having a good laugh at the Communists for funding his outreach program…I guess I’m just a cynic of a different stripe.

One last observation…it is very enlightening to go somewhere where you clearly don’t fit in…The Chinese knew not only that I was European, but it was clear to them that I was an American. It’s a little disconcerting to have everyone staring at you on the street (I suspect I won’t encounter this in the bigger cities of Beijing and Shanghai, but it was evident in Sanya). I also noted that the reactions fell into two distinct categories, and generally were broken down by age. To the Young, I was an exotic American and they looked at me like I was some kind of Rock Star and they wanted to change places with me…To the Old, I saw an unadulterated hate in their eyes. For them, I was the Capitalist oppressor and enemy. No change in world politics would ever change the opinion of some of these people that I was evil…

I wonder at the ability to hate someone without ever knowing the content of their heart. I hear about this type of hate on the news, but seeing it directed at me was a sobering and depressing thing. I know that I’m guilty of many things, but I could never look at a stranger with hate in my eyes. I wonder what we can do to fight this ??? I hope love works as it’s all we have to fight with.

Best! Norm.

Hong Kong

2006-03-08T20:51:00.000-05:00

I find myself working in China. My gateway to the People’s Republic is through the city of Hong Kong, where I am spending a 13 hour layover. Hong Kong is a very rich and beautiful city. It is obvious that the money that is flowing through this place is greater than anywhere that I have ever been in my life. It makes me think about the things that I was brought up believing and about the cycles that the global economy takes (and what it means).

I am reading a book on China as I want to know more about this strange place and its people. The book is written about three generations of Chinese women and is written by the third generation (she is an expatriate, currently living in London). In the book, she talks about her parents (both of whom were Communist Officials) and the lies that were promulgated during Mao’s “Great Leap Forward”. One of the things that the Chinese were told at that time was that the children in Capitalist countries were starving (which was actually true in China at the time) and that the Chinese were far better off than the rest of the world. She talked about how real these lies were to her and how surprised she was to see the vibrancy of the west when she finally left China to study in England.

It is a little harder to perpetrate lies in America…the press is independent and largely at odds with the government. Still, we have beliefs (even if they are not official and more often self inflicted) that are inconsistent with the reality that I see around the world. The first is that we live better than people everywhere else…that we are richer and that we are happier. America is very rich, but most people live frantic lives of desperation where their work overshadows their families and the other things that should be the center of their lives. As a result, most Americans are stressed and many are unhappy. Their wealth has not given them the things that bring happiness…that bring peace-of-mind. Still, wealth remains the barometer of happiness in America.

And the world follows…

Economics…economics is not about happiness, but economics is the driver of the world and economics is a race where the leadership changes as the situation changes. It used to take a long time for these changes to take place, but not anymore….now things change at lightning speed. Rome was an economic powerhouse for a millennium, England for centuries, and America…if you say we became the dominant economy in 1945, then I’d say our rule lasted about 60 years. Now comes the dominance of China…

It seems sad that while so many focus on building wealth, the center of wealth keeps moving to somewhere that is more conducive to its maintenance (lower wages for less skilled labor). I think the cycle is inevitable, but it troubles me to know that my children will grow up on the downward side of the wave. I obviously want the best for them, but realize that there will be hard work ahead if they are to maintain the type of life that they have grown up with. I think what troubles me is that I have no way of giving my children the thing that I would most like for them to have….peace and stability.

I’m not sure if I will be there when their trial comes or that I will be able to help them through it. Maybe it is right that I am not there…Ultimately, we must all face the challenges of this world and either overcome them or be swept away by them. I know this, but it is hard to be objective about these trials coming to those you love. I hope that I can convince my children to keep their focus on happiness (and not on wealth). This will be hard as everything around them is telling that they must be richer to be happier. This was not an easy lesson for me to learn…I hope my children get the message more quickly than I did.

Best! Norm.

Waterloo

2006-03-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

Failure…this is something that seems to scare us above all else.

I walk the fields of Waterloo and I think about endings and I think about failure. Napoleon’s domination of Europe ended here. Ultimately, Waterloo became Napoleon’s swan song as he was exiled to St. Helena and ultimately killed there. Napoleon had encountered failure before. He had actually experienced failures that many thought would end his career long before Waterloo, but he overcame them and was perhaps stronger from them. This failure was different and there was no doubt when this battle ended that the Emperor would not be left standing.

I think what really scares us is that we never know which failure will be the one that tips the balance against us. Every one tells us that our failures teach us much more than our successes. I would agree with this, but I’d also say that it’s a pretty expensive school to go to and that there are those around us who may not wait for our graduation.

Yes…learn from your failures.

Yes…failure will make you a more mature and empathetic person

Yes…do not let your failures affect your outlook or your enthusiasm

I will give you this warning though….Learn fast because this world has teeth and if you fall down too many times…you’re bound to get eaten! Wouldn’t it be nice to know which one is just a bump in the road and which one is your Waterloo?! I guess its not knowing this that really scares us about failure.

Best! Norm.

Austin City Limits

2006-01-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

The title of this post is the name of a TV series that carries live music from Austin, Texas. I have been watching the show for the last twenty years; they cover some terrific and eclectic performers. I have been introduced to some great music on “Austin City Limits”.

What follows are some random thoughts from Austin…

…This is a great place to be if you’re hungry! The Beef BBQ and Tex/Mex that they have here is like nothing else I’ve ever had. If you get the chance, the Iron Works is the place for BBQ! They have the typical signatures from famous fans of their food. Among these is a signed testimonial from President Bush (apparently he ate here a lot when he was Governor of Texas – the Capitol is only a few blocks away). The place is very rustic, with a rough wood floor and a pot-belly stove in the middle of the dining area. I’m partial to pork barbeque, being form the Southeast, but I went with the beef since I was in Texas. The spare rib was as big as my forearm and it was incredible! They had a spicy sauce and I downed it all with Lone Star beer. Chuy’s is the spot for Tex/Mex…This is where the Bush daughters got busted for drinking. The place has a tacky “Elvis” theme and it was a lot of fun! They had hot chips and we got something called “Chuy Goouie” to go with them (it’s like Con Quesa, but with ground beef, Jalapeno, and other stuff thrown in). They had every kind of Enchilada known and we ate until we couldn’t move! Then we danced until we were ready to pass out.

…This is a college town. Everyone seems to be about twenty and is outside…kayaking on the river…jogging on the river-front trails…clubbing at the bars…catching the live music. The University of Texas “Longhorns” won the National College Football Championship the week before I got here and the place is still celebrating. Everyone is wearing burnt-orange and they all seem to be on a perpetual high.

…did I mention the live music??! WOW, we went out on our first night here and caught three of the best Blues bands I have ever heard at little 30 seat clubs. I listened to the band Nickel Creek doing songs from their new CD at another club. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a city this small with such a great live music scene. You can see bands here that are as good as anything you’ll get in New York or LA.

…if there’s one drawback, it’s the lack of scenery. This part of Texas looks like some of the rural parts of Florida, where I grew up. I think they call it Chaparral out here, but the terrain is flat and the heat keeps the trees from being the deep green that I’m used to in Pennsylvania. I know people who love the beauty of the desert or the coast, but I don’t think I could ever live too far away from the forested mountains of New England.

I could never live in Austin, or any part of Texas, but I understand why they are so proud of their home and I am always happy to come back here to visit. Texas is FUN if nothing else. If you get a chance, do yourself a favor and come out here…bring your appetite.

Best! Norm.

The Waiting Game

2006-01-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

I am in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport on a 2-hour layover on my way to Austin, Texas. It seems to me that an airport is a lot like the door to your home… it’s a place of transition. Granted, an airport is a BIG door, DFW is as large as a small city and you spend a lot of time waiting between here and there. Of course, there have been many times when my view of an airport is blurred as I rush to catch the next flight. More often, I find myself as I am today with time to reflect in this place of transition (while sitting on an incredibly uncomfortable chair). The airport reminds me that I spend a lot of my life waiting.

I am better at waiting than I used to be. I’m sure it has a lot to do with my getting older, but I also sense that there’s more to it. I am much less aggressive about my plans and desires than I once was. I think that I have gained some perspective on myself. What I want and what I do is very unimportant. The part of me that belongs to something bigger has nothing to do with my intellect or my accomplishments.

I have been a cold and egotistical man for most of my life. I am a good man and I’ve never done anything to cause pain or suffering to anyone, but I’ve also been a largely uncaring and judgmental man. I have left many to their own troubles and I have often judged people by the capability of their intellect. It doesn’t matter to me anymore how smart some one is…my criteria for judgment has changed to the content of someone’s heart and character. I have been too proud of my capabilities, which are a gift that I did nothing to earn, and not focused enough on my compassion for others, which is the only gift of lasting value that I have to offer. In the end, no one will care what I did or accomplished. I used to be in a hurry to establish my legacy…to leave something behind…to accomplish something important. The only legacy that I worry about anymore is the amount of love and compassion that I can share with others on this journey. There’s really no rush anymore. My work here is in the journey…not in the destination.

There was a small family of Mexicans on the flight in from Philadelphia. Among them was a mother with a daughter of about 4 years. The girl was restless on the long flight and began crying. I could tell that the mother was worried about her daughter disturbing me and the other passengers that were close to her. I turned and smiled at the girl and we spoke about her visit to Pennsylvania and her home in Mexico. Soon, she was smiling and we talked on and off for the rest of the long flight. At one point, the mother looked at me and I could see how grateful she was of my minor kindness to her daughter. What I need to do now is extend my kindness to patience with those who can be frustrating to deal with in my daily life…to give people a bit of a break. I haven’t always been very good about this, but I’m getting better and I realize now how important it is for me to be more tolerant. It’s not easy to change, but I think I’m making good progress and know that the way I think has changed…that I look at things and people differently than I once did.

So I wait…it occurs to me that waiting is a big part of my life. I think what matters is what I do while I wait.

Best! Norm.

Life in the Fast Lane

2005-12-28T18:26:00.001-05:00

(a cafe in Little Italy)

I've been burning the candle at both ends....maybe a few more than just two.

I'm looking forward to a little down-time. There's not much that I really regret about getting older, but it definitely takes me a little longer to recover. I've been to New York and Washington, DC in the last two days without much sleep in between.

I find myself wondering what I enjoy most in life...sleep or good times.

When we're younger, we chase fun for all we're worth. I know I did my share of chasing...guess I caught my fair share of fun too. The last two days have been wonderful!! Friends and family and lots of good food and drink...but to sleep...

I sometimes wish I could move to that land we visit when we're sleeping. Have you ever awoke and wished you could recapture that last few minutes of some dream? There's something special about the time that we spend asleep. Some of my happiest moments have been waking up at 2 in the morning and realizing that the night is only half over and I can go back to sleep for a few more hours; some of my worst have been to wake and look at the alarm clock to see that it will go off in 5 minutes and that my night is over..."To sleep, perchance to dream...". There's no rub to it for me and if what comes after is anything like what comes each night when I nod off...I'll have a very happy afterlife!

I hope you all have as much fun as you can handle...and a good night's sleep to follow.

Best! Norm.

Beautiful Stranger

2005-12-14T03:13:00.000-05:00

Traveling alone...

I stopped for dinner at the Cafe Vitro just off the Plaka. I am used to eating alone and I'm comfortable with a quiet dinner enjoying local food and observing my fellow patrons. The wine and the lamb are wonderful!

As I sit drinking my wine, I notice a girl in the next booth...She is very Greek and very beautiful! This girl still has the flower of youth on her (she must be about 20)...I think about what is beautiful. What is it that the artists are trying to capture? I have been looking at sculpture that is 2500 years old that tries to capture the very beauty that sits before me. How impossible is their task! As much as I enjoy a good painting or sculpture, nothing can truly capture the wonder that is a beautiful woman!

She is with another girl and a young man. They speak to each other in English. The two girls are flirting with the young man and their conversation is typical of the conversations of young people everywhere, who are trying to impress each other. It is an empty discussion and I quickly disconnect from it. I have found truth in many places...in the company of good friends...in stimulating conversation...in the woods...in my work. The girl before me offers none of these truths. I will never know this girl and will never see her after I've left the restaurant...but there is a truth in her beauty.

As we eat and as they talk, she catches my eye and smiles at me. There are times during the meal when she raises her voice and I realize that she is talking to me (as well as to her friends). It feels wonderful to realize that she finds me attractive...that she has noticed that I find her beautiful and that she appreciates this. This is but a brief moment in a long life. I have seen beautiful women (and men) everywhere. I don't know these people and I am not responding to their souls, but their beauty speaks to me. Beauty is as much a truth as anything else and it is truth that I seek.

How beautiful must be that ultimate truth!!! If the classical art of Greece is so pale an imitation of the beauty of a young woman, how modest a glimpse is her beauty of the beauty that is God! Maybe that's why beauty captures me...it is a glimpse of that beautiful light that lives deep within me. I look forward to that ultimate beauty. Until then, I will enjoy the glimpse that I get from the pretty girl that shares a meal in some restaurant along my path home.

Best! Norm.

...and Justice for all!

2005-12-12T06:38:00.000-05:00

I walk among the temples of the Acropolis in Athens and I contemplate justice and the rights of man...

Like every parent, I have often heard the refrain form my children that this or that, "isn't fair". I generally tell them that fare is what you pay the bus driver and not to look for fair in this lifetime. Given that they have loving parents and every advantage, I can't really get too excited about my children's first encounters with injustice...maybe I should. We tend to forget as we get older how disheartening it was when we first discovered that there was injustice in this would. That life isn't fair. Our minds screamed at this callous disregard for what is clearly right!

I have often said in this blog that what God exists in this world is what God we carry inside of ourselves and share with our fellow travelers...I feel this is also true of justice. If we would have justice in this world, then we must be just. I am encouraged... I often write here about many ways in which the world is becoming a colder and darker place...that we don't care for each other or love each other the way people once did. But in certain ways, things are getting better. I believe that the rights of individuals are respected more now than they ever have been. There's still a long way to go, but it has become much more difficult (and much more widely condemned) for the powerful to torture, murder and steal from the poor...or to suppress the voices of freedom. Many people have fought and died to bring a little more justice into the world. My daughter reminded me of the image of the man before the tanks in Tiananmen Square...I wonder what happened to that brave man.

As I stand here, I realize that this battle has gone on for over 2000 years. I want to thank all those who have struggled to bring more justice and respect into this world; especially those who have lost their property or their lives in the fight to give justice to others. I constantly hope and pray that we can find a way to love each other...respecting each other is a good start.

Best! Norm.

A Good Meal

2005-12-01T06:12:00.000-05:00

I have been working far from home, but have been enjoying time with colleagues and have been drinking in the beauty and simplicity of this ancient island.

Last night, an engineer from New Delhi took us all to an Indian restaurant for food, conversation, and good local wine. As the meal was finished and we all sat drinking and talking, it struck me how much I was enjoying the company and the moment! Most of the cultures of the world sat around the table and yet we were all sharing in our common humanity…in the light that shines within us.

It struck me that the evils done in this world are done in a mostly impersonal manner…how much easier to kill and abuse those whom you don’t know or acknowledge as individuals. I looked about me and realized that I could never bear any malice to any of those with whom I shared this time…I felt a general feeling of good will and love. Briefly, I considered that if we all truly knew each other we would be able to overcome so many of the evils in this world.

I quickly decided that this idea was very naïve and began, in my somewhat inebriated state, to come to grips with why the idea was a bad one. I landed upon a belief that I’ve recounted here before – That there are people in this world that do not have the light of truth and love within them. I have met people such as these and it is easy to see that they have no love for themselves or for any others. These people strive for power, but don’t realize that it will never fill their emptiness. In their search they cause purposeful hurt to others. To the extent that these empty people gain the power they seek, their maliciousness leads to greater and greater pain and suffering for others. When they rule, they spark murder, war, and genocide. I sometimes find myself feeling sorry for these people as they will always be empty and are doomed never to know truth and love (the real power that they seek). Unfortunately, I have no more power to help the empty ones than I have to completely stop them from hurting others.

I still came away from the dinner feeling very happy. There are so many more people with the light of love and truth within them than there are with empty souls. In their hearts, most people shelter love and compassion. This is where my God lives and I find him wherever I go…how nice to have a nice dinner with him and to share good wine and conversation!!

It’s amazing to me that there is so much love in so many of us that the supply is endless. Take as much as you can…give even more…it never runs out! It is good that in this cold and lonely place that God surrounds us in the hearts of those that share our path.

Best! Norm.

Malta

2005-11-29T10:09:00.000-05:00

I sit on my balcony, looking across the Mediterranean and considering this island. This is my first visit to this part of the world and I am struck by how very different this is than my home in America. And yet…there is much here that is very familiar to me…people are people after all and it seems that we are not so far apart. The differences that seem so dramatic at first are actually superficial and transient. I see people for whom this unique and beautiful island is as mundane a part of their day as Pennsylvania has become for me. I am sure that they would find my life just as exotic as I find it here.

I sat last night in a café in Valetta and watched the people that were out shopping and socializing. The city was decorated for Christmas and the activity was all too familiar to me. It was the same families shopping together and the same crowd of young people out to meet and impress each other. It occurred to me that these similarities must cross not only the boundaries of culture, but surely the boundaries of time as well. We look at the distant past and attribute some mystical quality to the lives that were led in those ancient times. Isn’t it more likely that their lives were very much like our own…that they raged against the same injustices and shared in the same joys?

I had believed, when I was younger, that modern humanity had reached some exalted state…that we had advanced intellectually and morally over those that came before us…that society moved ever forward, improving the lives of all of us. Now I wonder…

The small things that I can see over my brief lifetime have not improved. We do not treat each other as well as we once did. There is not the same respect and compassion in the world that I saw a mere 20 years ago. Every culture is subject to its own set of lies. I see that the people of this island believe their lies as strongly as we believe our lies back in America. They tell us how lucky we are to live in this age and how brutal and squalid life was in ancient times…I wonder.

Could this not be another of the lies that we are told…and that we accept without question? Yes, the ancients had to contend with diseases and hardships that we will never know, but they had community and family that have been lost to us. We live long lives, but lives of loneliness and desperation. Only in our youth are we given the support and comfort that I think was a common part of life in the past. When we become adults, we find ourselves chasing things that don’t fulfill us and our lives are filled with a stress that we face alone. I sometimes think a short life of 35-40 years, surrounded and supported by a close family and friends might be better than a long life of 80-100 years. I especially feel this way when I think of how many people spend the last 20 years of their lives shut in a nursing home and cut off from so much of what makes life worth living.

There are many beautiful places here…many things to see and do, but there is a sadness here as well. I find as I get older that the sadness grows and fills so many of the empty spaces of this life. It has become like some background noise that is always there. Not sure that I wouldn’t risk disease and early death for a chance to feel that community…of course I could just be lying to myself ;-{)}.

Norm

Changes

2005-11-10T16:29:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted to this blog...too long. I will try to be more diligent in writing my thoughts, probably more for myself than any of you that might be reading as I find the process of doing this very therapeutic. So why have I not written in so long?? The easy answer is that I've been incredibly busy; easy answers are never entirely false, but they generally hide the actual truth of the matter.

I have always found in life that the easiest thing is not to do something. It seems that our constant battle is to keep doing the things that make us live and grow...get up in the morning...go to work...exercise...study and learn...give of ourselves to others...

Even though many of these things enrich our lives and make us happy, getting up the energy to do them can sometimes be hard. It's as if we are subject to some inertia that, if not fought, will leave us absent the will to do anything. I've actually known people that do nothing and give nothing as a result of years of doing and giving less and less...better a quick death than that path. Well...I've had my break and recharged my batteries and its time to get back into life!

I have always fought to keep myself from slipping into lethargy. My experience has been that in doing things that at first I feel that I'd rather not do, I find some of my greatest enjoyment. The pleasure helps me to overcome the next time when I think I'd rather not. If I ever reach the point where I begin to give in to my tendancy to inertia, I've promised myself to take the path of the Indians...I'll go deep in the woods...sit beneath a great tree...and wait to die. Until then, I'll be here and will try to share my experiences and thoughts with you (and with myself).

Best! Norm.

Mt. Washington

2005-09-26T17:16:00.000-04:00

I am gone away again… A broad gulf is spanned by a thin thread that bears the heavy contents of my heart…of my soul.

Today is Washington. We rise and prepare in silence, occupied with our own thoughts of the day ahead and what it will bring. You accept, when you plan for these wanderings, that you will be forced to find the place where that strength flows within you. This is a strength that has nothing to do with your muscles or your bones…it is the only strength that is real…that is permanent…the strength that is you in all truth and is your tie to the light. This is why we seek out these moments to wander. We discover ourselves, however briefly, exposed as we are and not as we appear in this world of lies and shadows.

The early morning in New Hampshire is cold this late in September. The air is crisp and inviting and it seems to clean your lungs as you take it in. This is not the hot diseased air of midsummer, but a cold drink that feeds you with every breath. We stop for coffee on the way to our hike. Our coffee has become as much a ritual as our review of the maps and our selection of the gear to be placed in our packs. The coffee is hot and steams deliciously in the cold air. I can feel the energy that it imparts as I drink it in. I think that, “I’ve never had a better cup of coffee.” I know this is nonsense and I know I will feel the same way as I sip my coffee before our next hike. Still, I am happy in my ignorance and I savor every drop of the warm brew as it chases the chill from my body.

We reach the trail and begin. Near the mountain, the air is even colder than in town and our fingers sting with the harsh wind. We stop and get gloves, which we promptly don to quiet the screaming needles in our fingers, it is 30° and the wind is strong and constant.

The opening of the trail lay before us, shadowed and inviting. As we take our first steps, I can feel that joy begin to well within me. The trail here is much like the trails in Maine and I wonder at the peace and permanence that surrounds us.

I can see her taking it all in; she has the eye of an artist and I hand her my camera so that she might capture some sense of the beauty in which we find ourselves. We cross a small bridge and a glimpse of red catches her eye as the trees

begin to take their fall colors. She pulls up the camera and saves an image of the moment; such a beautiful picture, yet such a pale shadow of the true beauty of this place and moment. Our conversation draws to how futile these attempts must be, of how impossible it is to share this wonder through any picture (or words that I write here). We express our regret that we can’t share this time with those we love and that so few will wander in our footsteps and feel what we feel. I say a silent prayer of thanks that I have this moment to add to those that fill my heart. The trail is steep, but very well maintained. We make time quickly and are constantly surprised by the speed with which we are gaining elevation. It is not long before I am bathed in sweat and I remove my flannel shirt, gloves and t-shirt. I place these items in my pack and she exclaims at the steam that comes from my body in the 40° mountain air. There has always been some type of furnace deep within me and the Under Armor wicks the sweat from my body as the cold air seems to keep the fire from burning me up. I re-shoulder my pack and we begin again. The woods here are ancient and the trees form both ceiling and walls to the trail as we continue our ascent up the mountain. We are bathed in that familiar green that I love so much. It filters all of the other colors as the rhythm always lies behind the tune of a beautiful song. I can feel the first protests from my legs at the exertions and I welcome the feeling as another familiar companion on these hikes. She is quiet as she so often is at these times and I wonder at what emotions are filling her. I am sure they are both similar and very different to mine and I am happy that she can take this time to fill that well from which her warmth is so freely given to everyone she knows or meets. I feel my own worries fall away as the rocky soil passes under my boots….no better therapy than this.

After some time, the trees begin to fail us. They rise to no more than ten feet as the elevation increases and we enter that strange middle-ground between the forest and the tundra like surface of the ridgeline.

As we come out of the woods, we are faced with a sheer wall of granite. The face of the cliff is lined with small waterfalls as the mountain’s runoff finds its way to creeks and rivers on its path to the sea. The wall is 1000 feet high. Here as nowhere else on this hike, we are faced with a physical representation of what we seek. By overcoming this mountain, we tap into that part of ourselves that will not fail us. We are given the opportunity to put our inner strength up against something meaningful and fulfilling; how much better this challenge than the meaningless trivialities with which we fill our days. The

path cuts along the perimeter of the cliff and we begin a very difficult and steep climb up the side of the mountain. At times like this, as your muscles scream at you for rest… the world narrows to that next step…that next step…that next step. The focus brings with it a certain clarity. I believe this is what long distance runners and other athletes strive for. It’s as if the world takes on a sharpness that we miss at other times in our lives… that can only be captured through this type of physical stress. I’ve never been one for running, but I can understand the addiction that runners get to this feeling. I think I know why they need to tramp away the miles in the rain and heat.

We top the cliff and the slope gradually tapers as we come to the ridgeline. She comments at the fact that the moon has accompanied us throughout this hike. In the clear blue September sky, it has been like a signpost ahead of us all morning. I snap a picture of it over the ridge as a reminder to us of this strange and comforting companion. It is good that moon is there to distract us.By now we are both quieting that voice inside us that is begging us to stop…to turn back…to give up this mountain. We can hear the screaming of our muscles and know how much more lies ahead of us. At least 1/3 of the mountain is still before us…and then the climb back down. We are 3 hours into what will be over 8 hours of hiking. In the uncertainty of what lies ahead, the next 5 hours seems endless. In some ways, however, this is the best of the trip. About a hundred feet up from the cliff wall, we find ourselves on the open ridgeline. The world is endlessly open to us on either side of the mountain.

From here, we can see four states, as well as the thin line of the ocean that lies 65 miles away. I am brought back to our time on Mt. Katahdin. There are no trees at this altitude and the world takes on the look of the barren lands of the far north (Alaska or Canada). Small scrubby plants make up the only vegetation and the rocks that pepper the landscape give it an otherworldly feeling. I know that she welcomes this part of the climb as much as I do. On the ridge, the path levels and the weary legs that have been protesting through the climb get a needed break before the final ascent to the peak.

There are many trails that lead up Washington and here they are marked by cairns of rock, rather than the common blazes that are painted on trees to mark the trails in the woods. The cairns stand as eerie sentinels lined across the desolate landscape. They are cruder than blazes and they give the ridge a very ancient feel. It is as if in climbing the mountain we are going back in time somehow. It is here that the surety of our success begins to sink in. We are kicking Washingtontoday. From now on, this mountain is ours. Washington will prove something less than Katahdin to both of us, but this is the highest peak on the eastern half of the country and our defeat of it is just one more deposit into that bank we will draw from when the next trial comes.

As we move toward the final slope, the strong smell of sulphur hits us. She comments on how odd it is to smell that in this desolate place. After several minutes, we find the source of the smell. They have built a Cog Railway to take sightseers to the peak of the mountain and we can see the plume of black smoke rise from the trees below as the train makes it way slowly up. It is perhaps 2000 feet below us still, but the stench of its exhaust is distinct in the otherwise clear/crisp air.An appreciation of the effort to share this wonder with others does not ease the feeling that the mountain has been somehow diminished by this invasion.

The climb to the peak…That last 500 feet seems like an endless distance as your muscles reacquaint themselves with the pain of strenuous activity. We run into a couple of Meteorology students from a local college. They come here as a class every year to climb the Mountain. There is a NOAA station on top of Washington and the climb has meaning to them in their study of weather as much as the experience of the hike has meaning to them as people. The weather on Washington is a marvel. This peak has the highest recorded winds in North America and the summit is frequented by snow and ice (even in the summer months). We talk with the students through the final climb, passing each other back-and-forth between our frequent breaks to rest the legs that want to buckle from beneath us. The conversation is friendly and carries something that isn’t generally there in the pleasantries that we have with other strangers that share our lives. As we all find ourselves here on this mountain, we understand that we share a bond of experience that separates us from others and that we’ll never be able to fully share with them. The short time that we talk seems much more meaningful than that pleasant conversation with the person in line for coffee on their way to the office. There are certain things that we know about each other just from our being here together. It is just one more comfort in our love of hiking…other hikers!

We reach the summit…Katahdin (where we hiked last year) had been a very spiritual place…

a very haunted and powerful place. There is no power in Mt Washington, save its eminence as the tallest of the mountains on the east coast. The summit houses a souvenir shop and a café. We drank coffee and had a chili dog as we rested and prepared for the climb down. This meal was one of the best I’ve had, probably more due to my hunger and weariness than to the actual quality of it. As much as we both enjoyed the food, we couldn’t shake the feeling that it was just WRONG for this to be here. I remember commenting that it felt like they had taken a Great Old Lady and dressed her in a mini-skirt. The mountain seemed violated in some way. She and I talked about the balance between sharing these natural wonders with people and destroying them through our efforts to make them accessible. I think we were both a little sad to have come through this experience only to find a souvenir shop at its end. I have no doubt that we will find ourselves on Washington again, but I know that this will not be one of our favorite destinations and I look forward to the other peaks throughout New England that wait for us. I fill our water bag, I must admit it is wonderful to be able to do this (and the water is ice cold). We take a few pictures at the top…collect a few rocks for our children and friends…and begin our climb back down.

Climbing down a mountain is much faster than climbing up. We spend an hour less going down Washington than we did climbing it. It is also, in my opinion, more difficult and dangerous. By now, our legs are truly spent. The climb down is something of a controlled fall and we must be careful to be slow less we find ourselves in deep trouble. Each step is a pounding on the knees and hips as our muscles can’t hold back the weight of our bodies and we pound down into our boots on every rock. The surety of our accomplishment helps as the path seems to magically stretch itself out endlessly before us. Somehow the trail-head never seems to get closer. This is a very quiet time for both of us and I know that our thoughts are focused on finishing. We begin to think of how good that beer will taste when we stop after the hike. Of how well this experience will sit among the memories that we build wandering this world and we mourn for those who choose the easier path. That this memory must be our own and that we can never really share it makes it both special and a little sad. We have found some of what so many people seek. Others have found this in other ways and other pursuits, but not enough of them. So many walk this world in quiet despair and it would be wonderful to be able to give to them a little of what we take from this mountain. This is not a gift that can be shared outside the circle of common experience…this is the bond of hikers.

Love to all! Norm.

I'm ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille

2005-09-08T23:34:00.000-04:00

Fame...Approbation...

I don't have a real high level of respect for most of the people wandering this crazy world, so I sometimes wonder why I still look for any approbation of myself from others. Maybe this is a sign of why I haven't yet moved on.

Funny thing happened to me last night...I was in class and we were asked to "Google" our names. I have googled myself many times and have never come up with me...there's some Architect with Norman Shaw in his name and he must have done some great things because he's all over the web. Funny but this always bothered me a little, like I didn't exist or do anything of any import. Anyway, last night we googled our full names (with middle initial). I got two real hits on myself! The first was from a research paper that I did with the advanced speech lab at Temple University. The second was from a study on ground-source heat pumps that I performed as a young engineer back in Florida. I can't tell you had good it felt to know something I had done was actually out there somewhere.

The Scottish Poet Robert Burns wrote for his own eulogy, "Here lies one whose name was writ in water." Obviously, Burns had a somewhat pessimistic view of his contribution to poetry. I think we all worry about our impact...we all look for our "15 minutes of fame"... I guess it's because we feel the need to know we've made a difference.

How lost we are when we don't realize that the most important difference we make is on the hearts of others!! I need to stop looking for approbation and acknowledgement for my accomplishments and start sewing seeds of happiness in the hearts of those around me! One of my favorite quotes is from The Catcher in the Rye:

"The mark of an immature man is his desire to die nobly for a cause..
The mark of the mature man is his desire to live humbly for one."

I am a bit of an arrogant ass, so being humble doesn't come easy to me. For now this will be my focus...this will be my goal. I'm not sure how many more lessons lie between me and the light, but I'm sure that this is one of the big ones that I haven't yet learned. Those of you who are close to me can help me...remind me when I'm being a bore and don't let me get too high on myself. Then just let me know you care.

Love to all! Norm.

Random Thoughts on Government

2005-09-07T19:20:00.000-04:00

These are too good and true to my heart not to share.....Norm

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
...........Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
............George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
..........James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
............Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown Univ

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
.............P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
.........Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
.............Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
.............Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
............P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
.............Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
..........Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
............Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap ... except when Congress does it.
........Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
...........Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
...........Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
........Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
.........Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly native American criminal class... save Congress.
..........Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
..........Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
..........Thomas Jefferson

This World has Teeth

2005-09-06T19:43:00.000-04:00

I am reminded of a wonderful book by Stephen King about a 9 year old girl who gets lost in the woods of Maine. King states that the experience showed the girl that, "this world had teeth and that it would bite you"...

A most of you have, I have been watching the devastation in New Orleans. I have seen the lives ripped apart by the disaster and the extent to which society in that city has collapsed. I always loved New Orleans. I used to go there on weekends when I was in college in Florida. It was always a good trip and a great time! I don't know what New Orleans will be after this disaster, but it can never go home again...any more than we can in this world.

We hear a lot at these times about God...how could God let this happen!...God is punishing us for this or that!...Where is God for these people?

There are so many people that view God as some kind of crutch...a benevolent parent that should protect and care for us... God is in your heart (if he isn't, then you are part of the problem). The God that exists for those in the disaster is the God that comes to them in the hands of those who help. WE are the only God in this world.

The God of light and truth is not physical or material. This world is a lie that we must overcome to rejoin with God and ourselves. The love that exists here is brought by us. The world itself is malevolent...it has teeth and it will bite you. It is easy to look for something outside ourselves to come to the rescue...to save us. How much harder to understand that we have only each other, especially when you realize that there are also people that have teeth and will bite you. Those of us who are of-the-light, who have the spark of love within us, must let it shine here to ease the pain of those who are wounded in this world.

There was an old Doobie Brothers song where Michael McDonald took the role of God and the Chorus represented us here on earth. McDonald states, "they have to find their way from here..." We are on a path home, but no one will show us the way. If we sit and wait for help, we are lost. Please get up and walk with me. If you see someone lost beside the trail, offer a hand and we'll all walk together. No one else will help us, but we can help each other. We are all of the same soul and we belong to each other...

If you don't believe any of that, just do it for the good Karma.

Love! Norm.

Try to Scratch Past the Surface

2005-08-20T17:33:00.000-04:00

I am a Libertarian.

Winston Chruchill once said, "If you're not a Liberal when you're 18, then you've got no heart; if you're not a Conservative by the time you're 30, then you've got no brain." I find myself constantly amazed at the grown (and by all indications, intelligent) people who subscribe to the fantasies of the modern liberals. They wonder why we can't all just get along. They wring their hands at global warming. They curse the evils of Capitalism. They spit on the Western Culture of the Enlightenment that allows them to freely spout their ignorant drivel and continue to be allowed in our society.

I'm sure I sound extreme here...please understand that I am equally distainful of the far right and their moral aggrandizement. This post, however, is about the naivete of the far left.

I just read an interesting article regarding conservation of endangered species and the possibility that some of the mega-fauna of Africa might be relocated to the United States as a way of saving endangered species. Odd that the same culture that is being blamed with destroying the earth is seen as a last hope for many of the great creatures of our world.

Let me say this to those who would believe we might go back to living in a cave...it ain't gonna happen...if you believe we can turn back time, forget it. We all need to find another way. The world will not support 4 Billion people burning wood for heat and living as hunter gatherers. It is very romantic to think we can fix our problems by going back. Unfortunately, the path we must take is the path of the unknown. We need to answer the problems before us with our intellect...there are too many people to support the way we once lived.

One more thing... I pray every day that we could get along. I believe that won't happen in this world. There is evil out there and there are evil people out there. You can try to get along all you want...they will KILL you. When I see evil, I will fight it with all my might. I can admire pacifism. I just hope the Pacifists admire the soldiers that are protecting them from those who would slit their throats as they turn the other cheek.

Love! Norm.

A Face in the Crowd

2005-08-20T08:03:00.000-04:00

I wander this world, surrounded by the vague outlines of my fellow souls...

The loneliness only sets in when I find myself in a crowd. At peace with myself, why do I find so many of those around me distant and cold? Why do we close ourselves from each other? Why are we so reluctant to extend the hand? What is it that we fear?

The more closely people live with each other, the less they care for one another and the easier they find it to hurt each other. I'm not sure why this is. It's not just the overt hate and selfishness...I am more distressed by the general apathy. The ability to watch our brothers and sisters in pain and to be unaffected by it. More people don't bring more love...I have been blessed with good friends, but I don't hold out too much hope to the mass of humanity. We are anything but humane to each other. I'll try not to be part of the problem, to always give my fellows a break and a hand when I can, but I look at the eyes of so many that I pass on the street and I see nothing...no soul...no hope...no humanity.

I have found that this is even more true of the religious people that I know. It seems that they become colder and less loving. They feel that they know what God wants and are perfectly content to abuse and ignore any who disagree with their special understanding... God is that spark of truth and love that lives deep within you. If you don't share this spark with others then it will die. It is the death of this spark that I see in so many faces. The spark dies long before we do and we walk this earth with nothing to share.

This may sound trite, but do yourself a favor...do somethig nice for someone you don't know... extra credit if you do it for someone you don't really like much.

Best! Norm.

Children of the Corn

2005-08-13T19:52:00.000-04:00

I've talked many times in this blog about the things that are important to me. More and more, I focus on permanent things...on things that are of the heart and of truth...on things that are not of this world.

Still, I live here too and while I hope to graduate one day from this exam...there are a few things in this material world tht make my time in this school enjoyable. Of course there's sex (and women, generally); there's the times spent with good friends; Oh Yeah...and there's FOOD. I have often been accused of having a "hollow leg". People use this as way of joking about the way I can attack a good meal. I'm fairly thin and I guess they figure it must be going somewhere.

Some of my best memories of the places that I've lived revolve around the local foods. I can still taste the Cuban Sandwiches and black beans from my boyhood home in Florida...The grilled pork marinated in Spiedie sauce from my time in Upstate New York...and here in my home in Pennsylvania, I wait every year for the coming of late summer and the arrival of the Sweet Corn.

Pennsylvania is thick with rich cornfields that produce the most wonderful sweet corn in the world. The first of the corn arrives in late July and it lasts through early September. Late summer means watermelon and grilling...hot dogs, hamburgers, and steak...but more than anything (in this part of America), it means the incredible sweet corn that grows all summer in the fields that surround the towns and mountains of this state. Some may find this post silly, but sometimes it's the small things that make this life enjoyable...bearable.

I'm not where I want to be. I feel if I had passed this test...if I had found the truth in some earlier time, then I would not have to suffer the cruelty and hatred of this world...but I'm a happy man. There is much here that is beautiful...that feeds the soul. The taste of the corn, still steaming from the pot, smothered in butter and Old Bay seasoning...well, that's one of those pleasures that make me look forward to tomorrow...to next summer. These are the memories that bring a smile to my face. I hope you can find the things that make you smile and hold them in your heart to sustain you when the injustice of this world weighs on you.

Love! Norm.

Go Ahead...Make My Day!

2005-08-08T20:26:00.000-04:00

I took my daughter to the shooting range this weekend. She wants to become an FBI Profiler and I thought she should become familiar with maintenance and operation of a firearm. I have two handguns on loan from my brother and we took them to the range to get her started.

I’ve done some range work with rifles, but haven’t shot a pistol since I was about 15 years old. There was some minor adjustment for me, but the shock to my daughter was profound. We all watch the Cop shows on TV and get the idea that a gun is not much more than a fashion accessory and that shooting one would be as natural as walking.

We were on the firing line just a few minutes when a shooter down range opened fire and my daughter jumped about three feet off the ground. I guess she was expecting a muffled “pop” through the sound-reduction headphones, but the explosion was a lot more than she bargained for. She was very nervous when the Range Master put one of our pistols in her hand and talked her through what to expect when she fired the weapon. Seeing the explosion leaving the end of the barrel and feeling the recoil of the gun was her second big surprise of the day.

After a few sets of rounds, she calmed down and began to get comfortable with the weapon. She shot both a 380 Automatic and a 38 Revolver. I saved her first target for her and we had a generally good day together.

I think about weapons/handguns…what wonderful works of technology…what horrible and frightening destructive force. We have survived as a race because of our ability to overcome the weakness of our design with our intellect; yet we harbor a cancer of hate and malice that results in so much pain and suffering caused by the very tools that have insured our survival?!

I know most think of Americans as arrogant “cowboys” that are always at the ready with gun in hand. I don’t know how I could convince of just how far off that caricature is…maybe those who feel this way should read some of our press and see how we agonize over every thing we do…how we constantly second guess and accuse our leaders of being rash or wrong headed.

My guns don’t scare me. Seeing them in the hands of myself or my daughter don’t cause me any alarm…but there are many that should never touch a gun…I keep them locked when we aren’t going to the range to shoot them.

Love! Norm.

Link to Great Guitar Lesson Site

2005-08-08T17:54:00.000-04:00

Real Live Bleeding Fingers

2005-08-07T18:07:00.000-04:00

I find myself in an interesting place. Music has always been very important to me. I listen for the nuances and I lose myself in the space filled with the magic that the song carries. And yet, I am a scientist…and engineer; I followed a life in technology because I was far too logical to follow my heart…to pursue music and writing, which were always my loves.

I suspect that I am suffering some mid-life crisis, but I find myself… very late…chasing my dreams. I have begun this blog to stretch my legs a little as a writer and I’ve done something else. I bought an acoustic guitar.

When I was growing up, I played the drums. I’ve always felt that decision as one of those stupid things we do when we’re young and regret ever after. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed playing the drums. The problem is, the drums are rhythmic, not musical…I never learned to read music and couldn’t really do too much without another instrument there. It has been sort of frustrating for me to watch my family pluck around on their various instruments (saxophone, piano, trumpet) and to have no way to express myself musically.

Anyway, I find my guitar to be great company and am spending every spare minute with it. In a very short time, I’ve learned to play my cords competently and am looking forward to beginning to put together songs very soon.

I went to see Lucinda Williams play on Thursday night. She’s a haunting writer and singer and her show was a wonderful inspiration to me right at this time. In one of her more hard edge-tunes, she describes a guitar player with the line, “real live bleeding fingers and broken guitar strings.” I can relate…I haven’t felt the finger tips on my left hand for the past week.

Is this a fad…a mid-life crisis? I’m sure my family thinks so, but I haven’t felt this good about something that I’ve done for a very long time. Any of you who know me know that I’m no quitter. Don’t be too surprised to find me someday plucking out a tune during open-mike night in some little coffee shop. I’ll be as happy as a pig in sh*t, hope you enjoy the show!

Love! Norm.

Life's a Beach

2005-07-26T21:00:00.000-04:00

Summer is here and my family is spending several weeks at a beach house on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. My In-laws have a house on Ocracoke Island…that’s just south of Cape Hatteras. My family has been spending the summers there for the past 12 years. I am usually busy in the summer and haven’t made it down during their stay for about 5 years. This year, I made it down for a long weekend and I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts.

I grew up in Florida and the beach was a big part of my formative years. I don’t go as often these days as I’d prefer to be in the deep woods (as any of you who read this blog are aware). Going to the beach is sort of a “been there, done that” kind of feeling for me. Still, there are some very stirring things about … the end of the land and the edge of the shining sea.

There is no way for me to count the hours that I have spent looking out at the Ocean and thinking about my life and dreams. There’s something about that place that makes you contemplate bigger things. I have gotten away from my connection to the shore and it felt good to walk the coastline again. Of course, there was a lot of time with my kids as well. I played football, went boogie- and skim-boarding and just spent time walking the beach with my son and daughter, but I also got some time with myself.

There’s a flip saying that, “Wherever you go…there you are!” I always found this one funny, but it occurs to me now that there’s something a little deeper there (I’m sure you think I’m crazy saying that). If you’ve been reading this then you know that I believe that our search for God is ultimately a search to know ourselves. How wonderful is it that we find pieces of ourselves…of our past and of our future…in the world that surrounds us. How wonderful that some of the truth and beauty that defines us is reflected in this imperfect world of ours. I think I’ll try to get to the beach again sometime soon…it’s funny how little you can miss a place until you suddenly find yourself there and all your good memories begin to crowd in on you. Best of the summer to all of you.

Love! Norm.

Thicker Than Water

2005-07-15T19:50:00.000-04:00

They say that blood is thicker than water. I don't know where I come down on this one... I am one of the younger members of a large family (number 6 of 8). I had mentioned in an earlier post that some of my family members were like scenery during the holidays at home, but that I felt others right down to my bones.

I am spending this weekend at a cabin in the woods with my younger (and cuter) sister Barbara. What can I say... Most of the people who touch my soul come from very different backgrounds. Barb is both my heart and my history. It's especially wonderful when you connect with someone on a number of levels and you can also smile about that Viking episode from 1980.

Wine is thicker than water...Barb and I generally drink wine until we can be pretty much useless with each other. There's not a lot of people that you can enjoy being useless with...if you find one then you need to spend as much time with them as you can!!!

I don't think I could have picked a better place or time... The cabin lies deep in the woods and it's easy to forget that there's a world full of selfish and hateful people out there beyond the trees. I know that I have to return to the real world in a day or so, but I'll drink this all in as deeply as I can...

Life is a balance sheet of positives and negatives. I don't believe in hell... we are not together, as we are meant to be, and this is as close to hell as we get. I believe we get glimpses of heaven when we find that connection with each other. I get to spend this weekend in heaven...can't imagine it getting much better than that.

Love! Norm.

Unbowed

2005-07-12T19:49:00.000-04:00

I have been studying to become a Free Mason and have found much of myself in what I am learning. I had a good friend once describe her strength in this way, “physically OK, but mentally I kick-butt!” Do I kick-butt mentally...you bet!!!

…I will never be beaten.

I can not be defeated for my strength is immeasurable.

My walls are thick and plumb and my foundation is solid.

I will stand in the face of anything and I will be here when all else has passed away

At every point on my journey, God has fitted the perfect tool to my grasp … I am dizzy with the power that flows inside me.

Do not attempt to turn me back or block my way for my steps are true and you cannot impede me.

My house is built of truth and love and it will be a refuge to those in need.

I offer you the power of unconditional love…for only through love of ourselves can we love others unconditionally.

In the desert, I am the cool water that will sustain you.

…I have felt this strength for my whole life, never really understanding the source. There is a song that I’ve heard a lot lately with a terrific hook line…”Love’s the only house big enough for all of the pain in the world.” Do I kick-butt mentally…you bet!!!

Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Latitudes

2005-07-10T12:36:00.000-04:00

What am I thankful for…

I was riding home from working on the farm yesterday. The day was clear and not too hot and I had the top down in my Jeep. It was one of those times that just seem to fill you up. I’m not sure why, but I wasn’t feeling particularly good when I started out and the change in my mood was a good surprise. Obviously, a ride in a convertible with the top down is a pretty good way to improve your outlook all by itself, but there was a bigger factor that made me want to write…

As I got ready to leave, I dug through my old CDs for something to play and came across a custom disc that I had made of the best songs from Jimmy Buffett. The first song on my disc was Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes (see link). As I listened to the song, so many good memories from the years began to flood over me and I couldn’t help but smile…more importantly, the lyrics spoke to the optimism and joy that I needed to get through some of the things I’ve been wrestling with lately.

I grew up in Florida, where Jimmy Buffett is revered as a demigod, but most people view him as just another singer with a strange following of drunken beach-bums. It’s true that a lot of what Buffett does for me is wrapped around the images and memories of my home…of the beaches and the easy way of living. But I also recognize Buffett as one of the better poets and story tellers of our time. A lot of our generation’s poetry can be found in the lyrics of songs and I have always considered artists like Buffett, Paul Simon, and others as the great poets of our day.

That someone can write something that makes me feel so good is a special gift. I don’t know these people and will never meet them. I am sorry that their art takes so much away from their privacy, but I understand what drives people to search out these artists. They share a part of themselves with us and, depending on our own lives and memories, we make a connection to their work (and to them). It’s a sign to me of what we share that I can listen to someone else’s thoughts and connect with so many of my own dreams and memories…it was a very good day!

2005-07-04T15:47:00.000-04:00

Norm at the North Carolina Memorial before the charge

The Invisible River

2005-07-03T20:38:00.000-04:00

We all live our lives propelled forward by the currents of a great invisible river...

We take our place amongst so many others that ride the flow of the river beside us. Sometimes, two or more of us will be caught in an eddy and will circle together for a time as our lives mingle and we feed each others hopes… desires… despairs. Great and true friends will enter our lives on the current; they will give us their gifts and then flow out of our lives when we are not paying attention leaving memories that are wonderful and bittersweet. One day, each of us will reach the end of this river and flow into the great sea of our one soul.

I think of the river on this date every year…I believe that behind us on the river lie our ancestors…those who came before and set us on the paths of our lives. Ahead of us and past that next turn (where we cannot see) lies the future of our children. They ride the current that we leave behind.

July 3^rd is an important day in the history of my family and of my country. In 1863, the great battle of Gettysburg was raging during our nation’s tragic Civil War. On the third day of the battle Confederate general Robert E. Lee called for a charge against the Union center. This charge became famous in the history of the country and its climax is known as “the high water mark” of the Confederate cause. My Great-Great-Grandfather John K. Shaw was a Sergeant in the 47^th North Carolina Infantry and was in the great charge. In that assault, the Confederates sustained 28,000 casualties, or over 50% of their ranks. The day was one of the most horrible and bloodiest in the history of our people.

Every year, I return to the battlefield on July 3^rd and walk in the footsteps of my ancestor. I dress as he would have done and I carry the flag of the regiment for which he fought. My children have joined me in this ritual and there are many others who come to honor the sacrifice that was made on that day. It is an interesting communion that we have each year…The descendents of the Union soldiers wait in their battle lines and salute the confederate units with a cheer as we reach their positions. The two sides greet each other warmly with hugs and hand shakes. Then a union chaplain says a brief prayer and all those gathered (there are usually a hundred or more spectators) join in the National Anthem and the Pledge of Allegiance.

On one of these occasions, the chaplain made note of the violence that fills our world; of the hatreds that have begotten this violence (for thousands of years without cease). He talked of the Balkans and of the Middle East. He asked all those gathered to consider the hatreds in our own land that had led to this Great War. He asked us to consider the suffering and loss that took place on this field and on so many others during those 4 years of killing. Finally, he reminded us of our warm embraces and of the general regard that we on both sides currently have for one another; of the fact that we have joined together once more as a single people and how, in so doing, we had honored those who sacrificed by a far greater measure than through any other course…no one wants to think of the river upon which their children will ride being filled with violence and hatred.

How much do we owe those who found a way to forgive and to love again after the personal suffering and loss of those horrible years? I wish there was some way to teach their lesson to those who currently pursue the murder of innocents as the remedy of past wrongs and of their own frustrations. I hope that the spirit that I honor…the spirit that brought our people back together in the years after 1865…can grow to encompass all people and that all will know the peace that we enjoy.

I don’t wait for my hope to come true in this world. I don’t believe that the turbulent waters that fill portions of this great river will ever be stilled. I will look for the deep channels…for the company of those who know compassion and forgiveness. I will ride in the channel that has been laid before me and will keep to it so as to provide as much peace and happiness for my children as I can. I will expect that true peace only once I have completed my journey and rest in the calm of the boundless sea…in the arms of our common soul.

I pray that each of you watches the river around you. That all of you do what you can to provide still waters for those who suffer. There is no knowing the damage we create when we cause ripples in the river through our own selfishness, greed, and disregard. It is for each of us to keep our part of the river safe for our fellow travelers on this journey of life.

Dred Scott Revisited

2005-06-27T20:43:00.000-04:00

The rights of man…

Something has just happened that has me very frightened…I have always believed that I lived in the country with the highest regard for individual rights and personal liberty in the world. I have been proud of the documents that define our liberties and “inalienable” rights… of our Constitution. Yesterday, I first heard of a decision by the US Supreme Court that violates our fundamental right to personal property as defined in the Bill of Rights.

A city in Connecticut took a woman’s home to allow a shopping mall developer to use the land. The city used the law of Eminent Domain, which allows for the forfeiture of property for “the public good”. The Supreme Court upheld the decision, and basically forfeited our property rights. The law of Eminent Domain gives a government authority the right to take property that is identified as “blighted” to be used for the “public good”. The woman in CT lived in a well kept home and it stretches the idea of public good to the breaking point to include turning confiscated property over to a private developer. Basically, her home was taken because the shopping mall (or whatever else was being planned) offered a better tax revenue to the city.

From my perspective, the Supreme Court has removed one of our primary rights as defined in the Constitution and has opened up the possibility that the government might be able to take any of our homes or property under the weakest of pretexts.

The following is copied from the Ayn Rand Institute:

What justifies this treatment of Kelo and the other owners, who simply want to be free to live on their own property? The seizures and transfers, the government says, are in "the public interest"--because they will lead to more jobs for New London residents and more tax dollars for the government. This type of justification was given more than 10,000 times between 1998 and 2002, and across 41 states, to use eminent domain (or its threat) to seize private property. The attitude behind these seizures was epitomized by a Lancaster, CA, city attorney explaining why a 99¢ Only store should be condemned to make way for a Costco: "99 Cents produces less than $40,000 [a year] in sales taxes, and Costco was producing more than $400,000. You tell me which was more important?"

To such government officials, the fact that an individual earns a piece of property and wants to use and enjoy it, is of no importance--all that matters is "the public." But as philosopher Ayn Rand observed, "there is no such entity as 'the public,' since the public is merely a number of individuals . . . .the idea that 'the public interest' supersedes private interests and rights can have but one meaning: that the interests and rights of some individuals take precedence over the interests and rights of others." In the context of the Kelo case, the idea that "the public interest" trumps private property rights simply means that the desires of some individuals for property they did not earn and cannot get from others voluntarily trump the rights of those who did earn it and do not want to sell it. Why are their rights trumped? Because some gang with political pull doesn't happen to like how these individuals are using their property.

This is unjust and un-American. America was founded on the principle of individual rights, including the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What do these rights mean if an individual is not free to remain in and enjoy the house he chooses to build his life around, simply because others are clamoring for a shopping mall? Just as it would be unjust for the government to shut down the printing presses of a newspaper because its reporting is unpopular, so it is unjust for the government to raze a house that an individual has earned, developed, and loves, no matter how many cry that the land should be put to other use.

If the Supreme Court rules against the property owners in Kelo, then no one's home or business is secure. As Dana Berliner, an attorney for the owners, explains: "If jobs and taxes can be a justification for taking someone's home or business then no property in America is safe. Anyone's home can create more jobs if it is replaced by a business and any small business can generate greater taxes if replaced by a bigger one."

I am not sure what we as Americans can do about this injustice. I am going to write to the members of the Supreme Court, expressing my concern for the decision and for its impact on individual liberty. I hope others will speak out against this tyranny. We must closely guard our freedoms lest they be swept away by the insidious force of political power.

I am reminded of another decision by our Supreme Court that clearly abridged our inalienable rights as defined by Thomas Jefferson. That decision was the one that took the freedom away from the runaway slave Dred Scott. The Dred Scott decision and the utter hopelessness that it left those who were fighting the scourge of slavery in this land was one of the factors that led to our great Civil War. Let us all pray that those in power are held accountable to the people of this land lest the foundations of our peace and freedoms become unsound. It is the society that does not respect the rights and freedoms of its citizens that is subject to violence and instability. We have been free of these threats for over a century. I hope that an alert populace can keep us safe from the strife that seems so common in the rest of the world.

A Quiet Place

2005-06-24T17:10:00.000-04:00

Some time alone…

I went for a long hike today. This was one of those times when I had many things to sort out and found myself in the place where I feel most at home and most comfortable. It was a very good day and I come away feeling at peace and ready to make some of the changes that are calling to me. I’ve said before that the deep woods are my church and I spent today very close to God. I’d like to describe my church for you.

In Pennsylvania, the Appalachian Trail runs through a dense growth forest. As you hike along, you find yourself walking through so many shades of green. The feeling is like swimming under water in a cool clear spring; the sun filtered through the trees is the same as if it were reaching you through the water. As I walk along the trail, I come upon a huge stand of Rhododendron. They are past blooming but they cover the path and in places I find myself walking under a tunnel of the plants. It’s all so rich and quiet and I can feel it fill my soul. Off to my right I can hear water running as several creeks and rivulets work their way down the ridge to the valley below…there’s something about the sound of running water in the woods that is about as close to total peacefulness as you’ll ever get.

As I reach the ridge line, the woods begin to thin and the sky opens overhead. The day is clear and the sky looks as blue as a Robin’s egg. The trail leaves the woods briefly and I walk across an isolated meadow atop the ridge. The view that I get of the green wooded valleys and the nearby mountains is awe inspiring. The only sound that comes to me today is from the many birds along the trail. I know that they are just announcing their territory, but their songs are pleasant and add to the overall wonder and joy that I feel in being out here.

I spend so much of my time trapped in a cold and lifeless office. I wonder at the work I’ve done and the things that I’ve built. They are as nothing compared to the beauty and peace of the woods. I have been very successful in our modern world and have been deeply involved in much of the technology and science that we live by. I wonder sometimes if we haven’t lost our way, if we aren’t anesthetizing ourselves from the truth within and around us. I hope that the technology that I have wrought will ultimately fulfill it’s promise of freedom and allow us to get back to where we belong…to where we can find our inner peace and our inner truth.

Today, I will just thank God for the beauty of this path in the woods. I know where to go to escape the things in our world that drain me of my energy and my faith. I thank God for this opportunity to spend time within myself and to once more connect with that part of him that lives within me.

A Level Playing Field

2005-06-19T21:24:00.000-04:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about levels…Seems to me that people all work on a number of levels; mental, physical, sexual, spiritual, etc.…some of us work on many levels, while others are practically one-dimensional. People usually show just one or two of their levels until you really get to know them, but good friends can slide back and forth with each other and share things in most all of the levels where they live. I have a few of these friends in my life and it’s amazing to me how much they fill the spaces in me and keep me growing.

I’ve always been a strong believer in free will and determinism, but I’ve had to reassess this belief recently … I’m not so sure of things anymore. I am more receptive to fate and I think the biggest reason is the tendency of special people to walk into my life at the exact moment when I most need them. It all seems too perfect to be coincidence. I guess that I come down on the side of self-determinism within a larger framework of fate. I think we all act independently, but that there exists a larger plan for us and we ultimately find our equilibrium within that plan, in spite of whatever short term decisions that we might make that deviate from it.

But I’m not here to talk about fate…I want to explore levels. I talked in an earlier post about casual acquaintances and how some of these people have a strong impact on me from the first time I meet them. I think some of this might be associated with levels that we don’t readily see or feel, but that help make us who we are. I know that I can always find someone to connect with on the physical or sexual levels (and I don’t mean actual sex, just mutual attraction), but that spiritual and intellectual connection is something that I have with only a handful of people. More importantly, I sense even deeper levels that I can’t name or adequately describe. I feel these levels on the outskirts of my consciousness and I have felt others on these levels.

This is where I seek my salvation. I believe that our shared soul lies in the levels just outside of this material world. I look here for the doorway to truth and total communion. When I feel someone at one of these levels, I find myself in the presence of a shared soul…of another part of myself…of God. I don’t know if I meant for this to be a religious post, but I relate my spirituality more and more with those levels. I am happy to have finally come to this faith and to have it feel so comfortable on me. I have made attempts at religion before and always came away feeling as though I were trying very hard at something that wasn’t there.

I don’t expect faith to be easy for someone like me, but I’m confident now that I’ll get there…that I’m not traveling in circles or going nowhere. I’ve finally gotten comfortable with where this path is leading me. I am looking forward to the rest of this life and all that follows. I hope that some of this makes sense to those who read it, but even if it doesn’t, I find myself having a clearer understanding of where I’m going and what I’m doing by just having put these random thoughts down…Thanks for listening!

Judge Not…

2005-06-14T21:06:00.000-04:00

Part of the responsibility for the coaches in my son’s baseball league is to fill in as Umpires during games where your team is not playing. It’s an unpleasant duty and the coaches shy away from it as much as they can. I hate leaving our Manager stranded and have worked a number of games this year to keep him from having to cover all of them. My last game of the season just ended and I thought I’d put down a few thoughts… We hate to Umpire for the same reason we hate so many other things in our lives…we seek the approval of others. There’s really no way to win when you’re behind the plate. No one is going to be happy with every call and you can pretty much depend on both sides being dissatisfied with you by the end of the game. Tonight was a playoff elimination game and the pressure was even higher than normal. The coaches (and parents) at this point in the season are pretty “hell bent for leather” and you can count on catching some anger from one direction or the other. I’ve gotten comfortable with this and don’t have too much anxiety when I have to call a game.

I don’t really care that much for the mass of humanity and consider myself more immune than most to the urge to please. Still, I wonder what makes us need the approval of other people, especially those people we don’t care for or don’t respect. I believe we’re seeking some affirmation of our own self worth, that the good inside of us is not all in our own heads. It’s kind of odd that we would expect or hope for this even from those we dislike, but I see it every day and have been there myself many times. I don’t know if it’s just age, but I have lost most of my desire to give a shit what anyone thinks of me and I don’t carry much baggage with respect to other peoples opinions. However, I know that this matters a lot to most people and I have been trying to work on the other side of the equation within myself.

I have never been as tolerant a person as I would have liked, but I think I’m getting better. I find myself feeling sorry for people where I might have been frustrated in the past…As I see it, we all have a long path ahead of us. For some it is a much more difficult path than it is for others. I have always been lucky and my walk through this life has been an easy one, I need to do what I can to make the load as light as possible for those around me. At the very least, I need not add to their load with my judgment or condescension. I can’t imagine why my approbation would mean anything to anyone, but I’ll try not to be stingy with it. There are some out there who are just malevolent and evil. I’ll avoid these whenever possible and stand against them when I must. I will do every thing I can to give the rest of you a break (and a helping hand when I’m able). You don’t need to worry about my approval…it’s yours. Good Luck and I hope your path is a soft one!

In the Quiet

2005-06-10T06:44:00.000-04:00

I am in the quiet.

…listen for me when no sound intrudes

I am out of sight.

… just beyond the corner of your vision

My power is immeasurable

…the power that sustains you when all seems to array against you

I hide in the quiet places

…seek for me inside yourself, for there you will find me

My reflection lies in all things

…see what you love and I am there

Search for me and you will be empty handed

…find your joy and you will have found me.

Do not wait for me

…I am not a promise for I am now

First love yourself

…then you will know how to love me

Parable of Want

2005-06-09T20:39:00.000-04:00

There were two half-brothers who had a common father. The first brother lost his mother when he was born and the father married again a year later. The younger brother was born two years after the first and was the apple of his Mother’s eye. The second wife was by no means an “evil Stepmother” to her husband’s first born son, but she favored her own and never let her son want for anything.

As the boys grew, the first brother did without. He was given nothing and expected nothing. Over the years, he learned that he could get whatever he truly needed by offering to work for neighbors and friends and he remained happy in spite of his situation. He had little, but he grew to need little and was content with his lot.

The second brother seemed on an unending escalation of want. The more he was given, the more he demanded. It was as if there was some great void within him that required ever more valuable tribute. Over the years, he became angry and difficult. He seemed always unhappy and there was seldom any way of placating him.

The elder boy grew to be a kind and helpful man. He lived his life surrounded by friends and left good memories and love in his wake. The second son became more and more isolated. He had a circle of acquaintances that hovered for what he could give them, but he had no true friends. His life lacked any contentment or joy and he left pain and regret behind him.

The Mother/Step-Mother lay on her deathbed and considered her children. Too late did she recognize that the greatest gift she could have given her own son…the single gift that she’d denied him, was the gift of understanding his own heart. Like candy, she had given him food for his desire, but not for his soul. Her gifts and attention had left him without an understanding of himself or others. Without empathy, he was an empty vessel and was lost to himself and his fellow men.

All of us must walk our own path…no one else can walk it for us or remove it from in front of us. We must love and care for each other, but we must let one another find our own way and face our own disappointments. To do too much is to poison the soil in which we grow.

Find Your Joy

2005-05-23T07:27:00.000-04:00

Do you need answers?

Do the great mysteries of life weigh on your mind?

I took my daughter to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” this weekend. It was a great movie, although if you haven’t read the book, don’t bother as you won’t have a clue about what’s going on. A big part of the plot revolves around the answers to the mystery of why we’re here and what is the meaning of life. I read the books twenty years ago and it was great to relive the story, this was a tale full of depth and irony and it was DAMN FUNNY!!

I guess I’ve been through enough at this point to throw my two cents worth in regarding the meaning of life, so here it is:

Find Your Joy – Be happy. Share your happiness with others, especially those you love. Happiness is the best and truest gift that you have to give in this world, don’t be stingy with it. The noblest thing you will ever do in a day is to make someone smile.

Don’t Worry – Don’t fret the small stuff, which is pretty much everything when you realize we’re all going to die anyway. Nothing that keeps you awake at night is going to matter for shit in 500 years! Don’t let your worries take away from your happiness – remember that’s the most important thing in this life (at least according to my philosophy).

Choose Well – Pick your friends and lovers very carefully. We all tend to screw this one up and end up spending a lot of time with people that don’t make us happy. Find people whose joy adds to yours and get a big happy-fest going. You’re going to be forced to spend a lot of time with assholes no matter what you do, so keep good friends close to balance the time that you’re forced to spend with people who desire nothing more than to be unpleasant.

Do What You Like – Spend as much time as you can doing something that fulfills you. If you can get this from your career, that’s like winning the lottery. If not, find where your heart is and go there as often as possible. The memories that this gives will be another way of dealing with the assholes that I discussed before.

Love Yourself – Give yourself plenty of credit for the good things you’ve done and don’t be too hard on yourself for your screw-ups. I think most of the assholes in this world got that way by beating themselves up first. You’re not going to be much good to anyone if you don’t love yourself first and you’re not going to spread much happiness which is the meaning of life, remember.

Don’t Get in Too Deep – Don’t worry too much about the deeper meanings of things unless that’s what you like doing, in which case you should become a philosopher (not enough of those around any more, but there’s no money in it either). Solve problems that are fun, but don’t let the fact that you’re not omnipotent bother you…none of us are all that bright or we wouldn’t be here.

There you go…for what it’s worth; you now have my answer to the meaning of life. This and a dollar might buy you a cup of coffee. Still, it felt good for me to put it down. If you have a better or deeper philosophy, I’d be happy to hear it. Better yet, let’s discuss it over a few drinks.

Love to all! ;-{)} Norm.

Loving and Losing

2005-05-17T20:46:00.000-04:00

Family…funny thing is it’s not what it’s cracked up to be, but it’s so much more. I’m one of eight kids; I guess that’s what comes of a Sailor Father and a Roman Catholic Mother. I can feel a few of my siblings right into the marrow of my bones, others seem little more than wall decorations at the occasional holiday back home. Then there are parents and children…I’m not sure what these relationships are supposed to feel like, but I have this strange suspicion that I’m not getting it right.

I had a distant father, typical for my generation, who loved his children but didn’t seem to consider it a full-time job. There wasn’t a whole lot of time for catch when I was growing up and I only remember him coming to one of my meets in the years that I was a swimmer. I guess after eight kids, he was tired…I have one son; I coach his baseball team and we play catch just about every evening when I get home from work. I haven’t missed a game or concert in his whole life. My wife complains to me all the time that I don’t give him enough love…she’s concerned about his self esteem. Not sure how I feel about that…I want him to have good self esteem, but I don’t think that mindless praise of anything he does is the right way to get there, but I digress... not sure how much of a daily impact my father had on my life, but I feel the hole that his passing left just about every day. I also lost a sister; it’s going on two years now. I had moved away 10 years before she passed and talked with her only infrequently. I can’t believe how much I miss her now that she’s gone! They say only loss gives us the perspective to understand our feelings. I believe that. I also believe that what we feel for some one is not directly tied to what they’ve done for us or how much we see them in our daily lives. I’ll never know, and suspect that it’s unknowable, why certain people have such a strong pull on our hearts.

Something inside me tells me I need to get used to this. I think that I will be here for a long time and will probably see most, if not all, of the people that I love pass away. I sometimes think about that future time, when I find myself alone with my memories. There are a few who’s passing I fear the most and who will leave me with memories that will be bittersweet with longing. Sometimes the touch is very deep. I think there’s something outside of this world and this lifetime that explains the pull (I’ve felt it for people that are only acquaintances). I believe we are connected in another and more perfect place and that we feel those connections here. When I am old and alone, I’ll focus on this belief and I’ll get through the day by realizing that the bittersweet memories are just a glimpse of the communion that we will have with each other in a better place and for forever.

Digging in the Dirt

2005-05-14T21:38:00.000-04:00

I spent the day working the land today. John has about 29 acres and he works about ¼ of that every year; corn, strawberries, beans, peppers, tomatoes, squash, melons, etc. I’ve got a strong back and the field help comes at the right price, so I generally find myself spending a number of days every spring and fall out at the property with John. In the spring we plow, build beds, and plant. In the fall, we harvest, clear beds and build fences...the deer and groundhogs love John’s vegetables too and we are in a constant fight to keep some on the plants until harvest.

It was what a day on the farm should be…we began at dawn and worked until the light started to go at dusk. Over the years, I’ve gained a better understanding of farmers and I’ve learned that this is not a life that I would wish on anyone. Farming is serious hard work!! I guess I do it for three reasons; John needs the help and I respect and want to help him, it gives us time together with no one else and we very much enjoy each other’s company, despite the back-breaking work, there’s something about working the land that I actually enjoy.

I guess I’ll talk a little about that last one as the other two are fairly straight forward. As hard as it is working the land, there a great feeling when you pull the corn in August that you laid in the previous May. The food tastes wonderful, of course, but there’s also that tangible connection to it. You didn’t get this from any shelf, you lived with it for months and you were part of the cycle that connects us all to everything else in this world. I know that’s the feeling I get. Even when my back is aching and the row ahead of me seems like it will never end, I smile to myself and realize that I get so much more out of this work than the work that goes on in my office. Compared to growing your own food, the problems that we spend hours in meetings to discuss and contend with seem pretty insignificant. It’s a shame that our priorities are as screwed up as they are. As time goes on, I’m going to try to do what I can to have as much of what goes on my plate come from my own hands as I can.

I know I could never be a farmer, but I sure as hell respect those guys.

Friday Night Lights

2005-05-13T22:41:00.000-04:00

Special treat for the boys tonight, we played under the lights like big leaguers. They played really well and it was a good time for all. A couple of impressions…

…Under the lights, a ball field takes on an almost surreal quality. The colors are brighter, the grass seems greener and it doesn’t feel like any of it belongs in this world…it feels too perfect.

…I’ve eaten at some of the best restaurants in this country and overseas. I’ve had some of the best steak, lobster and escargot that anyone could ask for and I’ve loved all of it. … Still, I don’t know that there’s anything I’d rather have than a kraut dog at a ball park!

…There’s that special time before the game begins, when anything is possible. I sat and watched the 1^st pitcher warming up. As the ball would smack into the catcher’s mitt, a cloud of dust would come off the back of the glove, caught by the lights above. The sound and the sight was enough to completely take me away and I was totally happy!

A note – One of our boys, who usually spends the game picking daisies in the outfield had a special connection to the park where we played tonight. The field had been named in memory of his uncle, a fallen local police officer. We had the game well in hand by the last inning so we decided to let him take the mound. He stepped up and made the last out of the game (a strike out) and was awarded the game ball from the team. I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen a better expression of pure joy than what he had on his face as we slowly left the field.

I wait for a better place.., I wait to move on from here…but occasionally this world shows me enough joy and beauty to let me know that there’s no rush and that plenty of happiness surrounds us every day…it was a good night tonight.

My Clothes Don’t Fit Me Right

2005-05-10T21:10:00.000-04:00

I was just reading the news stories when I came across an article that said they’d found a shoe at some site in England that dates back to the Iron Age (700-43 BC). The shoe was found where a fresh water well had been built and was being studied. They weren’t sure whether the shoe was placed at the site purposely, or whether it just came off some workmen in the mud during the construction of the well…I wonder what life was like during the Iron Age? ...I saw a show a few weeks back that went through the last day of the “Ice Man” (he’s the one that they found in the Alps near the Austrian border; he's 4000-5000 years old). Watching that show made me think about what his life must have been like.

We all go through this…wondering what it would be like to live in a different era and often wishing we could trade our lives (if only for a little while) for those of the past. Everyone always tells us how silly this desire is…, "What would you do without plumbing? What about all the diseases?" I don’t agree with the naysayers. I believe that when you think the whole picture through, there are reasons for our desire to escape back to our past. I think we all harbor memories of better lives and these memories call us back to times when we were closer to ourselves and more in touch with loved ones. I believe that the best and oldest souls leave this world and that with each generation the love and compassion that exists here is diminished. I feel like I’ve watched the process just in this lifetime. I know there were hardships in earlier times; this world was never a good place, but I don’t believe that the lives lived in those days were as empty as ours are or that they didn’t know the happiness that we share today. As for disease, we all die and I don’t know that a short life isn’t as good as a long one. I think I’d rather die from infection at 35 than linger with Alzheimer’s through my 70’s.

There’s a beautiful song written by Jimmy Buffett called, “A Pirate Looks at Forty”. Even when I was in High School (young and stupid), there was something about that song that touched my heart. I read Mutiny on the Bounty when I was about 10 and spent several weeks actually grieving for that fact that I couldn’t live in Tahiti in the 1700’s with some beautiful native woman. I’ve written here before about my lifelong desire to enter the woods…never to come back out. I think we are so out of touch with ourselves and the world that we long for a time when there was connection. When we lived in this world and when it was all around us all the time. As for me, I spend most of my time in front of this computer screen wishing that I had dirt under my feet.

We talk about how much we know today, but how much do we really know about the world (as compared to those who came before us)? ...Can you find your way by the stars? ...Do you know what plants to eat when you’re in the woods? ...Can you tell the weather by the look of the sky and the behavior of the animals? Almost anyone could have done this just a few generations ago. And what of your knowledge of today’s world? Do you really understand how your TV works? …Your computer? …A radio? …Atomic energy? So how smart do we really think we are? Could you get your dinner if you had to do more than drive through McDonalds? I don’t know about you, but I’m not all that proud of our progress and I’M AN ENGINEER!!!

For me, it would be to live amongst the Indians of the eastern woods before the arrival of the Europeans. I don’t kid myself that it would be an easy life, but it holds all the things that are important to me and I can’t think of any existence that would make me happier. ...Maybe it’s just a memory of a life well lived and enjoyed. I know that when I think about this, it makes me happy and tends to throw whatever hassles I have into perspective. If you have some place and time that speaks to your heart, be open to it. Don’t listen to those who would tell you that this is, “The Best of all possible worlds” (yes – I remember my Voltaire). If you can’t turn back time, be sure to carry clothes that fit you in your heart; you’ll find them very comfortable when this world weighs down on your shoulders.

Maybe I Think Too Much...Rational Theism

2005-05-08T19:06:00.000-04:00

I guess I believe in something larger than myself.

Anyone reading the title of this blog might say, “well duh!?”, but this was not always a slam dunk statement. I was raised as a Catholic and the doctrine of that church never really took with me. I studied various religions during my drug-induced search for self awareness when I was in college…the closest I could come to anything that made sense was Buddhism, but I was enjoying the material world way too much at that time to give it up for meditation.

I am, at heart, a very logical person…Rationalist, Objectivist, Scientist. So after my brief exploration of Metaphysics, I fell back on my natural inclination to believe what I saw and leave the rest for some other time. It’s been twenty years and I have finally gotten around to fleshing out what I believe in and have a theology that makes sense to me.

I am a Gnostic.

Funny that I should find a belief system that is as out-of-touch with the mainstream as my politics are.

I am a Libertarian.

I guess I should be happy with my rejection of mainstream theology and politics…given my general lack of respect for the opinions and beliefs of most people. Still, I need to reconcile my religious beliefs with my Rationalist nature, so I am going to use this post to present some scientific/rational arguments for God…If you don’t think too much, stop here…you’ve go the gist of this post and everything that follows is just to satisfy those that are as anal-retentive as I am.

Some Arguments for God:

Thomas Aquinas – Based on the nature of cause and effect, the series of causes that we observe in the world of our experience must necessarily terminate in a First Cause, itself uncaused and unchanging, existing outside of time and space, and sustaining the physical universe in being from moment to moment… sounds a lot like God

William Paley (intelligent design) – Paley, and many others, argue that the complexity and orderliness of the Universe, especially on so vast a scale, exhibits strong signs of purpose. They follow that it is extremely improbable that anything other than an omniscient mind could have been its cause. This argument is only probabilistic, but having spent time in the study of Quantum Physics, I’m a real believer in probability.

G.W. Leibniz the guy who invented Calculus (contingency) – Leibniz argues that the world is contingent…that it could have been different than it is. He also states that the world could have not come into existence at all. It is incoherent to assume that the Universe always existed; it must, therefore have had a beginning, and that this beginning must have been caused by a being unlimited by time and space…sounds a lot like God.

I have only briefly introduced the arguments in this blog, but they are good arguments based on scientific principals and these philosophers and scientists are not alone in promoting them. I have been able to find essays in agreement with these theories, as well as other rational arguments in support of metaphysics by: Plato, Aristotle, Augustine, Descartes, Locke, and Newton.

So I finally find myself being comfortable as both a scientist and a spiritualist…just of a slightly different stripe than most of you. That’s OK with me…I’ve always been a little out-of-step with the rest of the parade and I’ve grown to like it.

;-{)} Norm.

Movin' Out

2005-05-05T16:50:00.000-04:00

…Anthony works in the grocery store, saving his pennies for someday – Billie Joel

If you won the lottery today, would you go to work tomorrow? This was always an easy question for me; “Of course I’d go to work, what I do is a big part of who I am.” … I’m reminded of another lyric

…but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now. – Bob Dylan

Funny trick that only as we get older do we see how full of shit so much of what we believed and based our plans on really was. If what you do (for a living) is what you are then I sure as hell don’t want to spend three hours in a waiting room with you! Maybe I was just too “brainwashed” by every message we receive every day to see how futile the whole thing really is. They say you can’t take it with you, but I’m not even sure I want to have to carry it around with me here?!

When I was in High School, we used to go out to the 28^th Street Drive-In on Friday nights. Robbie Rummell would put a keg in the back of his Gremlin (that had to be one of the ugliest cars ever made) and we would smoke pot, hang out and have sex with our girlfriends in the back row…I can still see Rachel Seymour on my lap and facing me in the back seat of my old VW as we steamed the windows…some of the better memories never fade.

The movies were usually mindless crap and I doubt if we paid enough attention to remember most of them. I do, however, remember one scene from one of those films. The movie was called “Loose Shoes” and was a series of funny skits. The scene that has stayed with me my whole life follows all the troubles this one guy gets into during a normal morning. Everything bad that can happen does, but at the end of it all and even though he has nothing, he finds the few good things in life. The skit ends with our hero dressed in a tux, doing a Cab Calloway type number, outlining the things that make his life good. The hook line is…”All I really need is…tight pussy, loose shoes and a warm place to shit.” The older I get, the more profound that line is…In fact this is my philosophy of life….tight pussy, loose shoes and a warm place to shit…that’s it!

I have goals!

I have focus!

You can take your wide screen and your play station, just give me the three things that matter to me and I’m a happy man.

2005-05-05T16:49:00.000-04:00

US Soldier comforts dying terrorist Victim in Iraq 050405

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - American

2005-05-04T12:31:00.000-04:00

We are one of the most self-critical people on the planet.

I am reminded of the flagellants of the Middle Ages, who would beat themselves as a penance because they thought their sins had brought on the Black Plague. There are those in this country who attribute some self-serving or evil motive to virtually every policy instituted by our government. I don’t begin to believe that our government is fully benevolent or that those in power don’t need to be watched. In fact, as a Libertarian, my thinking comes down from our founding fathers. They believed that Government was a dangerous thing by its very nature and that the power of the government must be restricted as much as possible. I have always felt that Religion and Government were collectively responsible for more pain and suffering than any other constructs in the history of the world. At least that was my feeling before the rise of Terrorism.

The war in Iraq puts my practical concerns at odds with my core beliefs. I am not in favor of military intervention or entanglements and would agree with those who have argued that we should be a market to all (and militarily neutral whenever possible). I don’t agree with the amount of money that is being spent on the number of troops we have in Europe and would support a general pullback of our forces throughout the world. I am not, however, an appeaser and feel that anyone who could advocate this policy after he example of Neville Chamberlain is simply stupid or in denial or both. I don’t really care about WMD and I think the incident at Abu Graib was sad, but was puffed far out of proportion for political gain. Sadam didn’t strip people and laugh at them, he TORTURED, MUTILATED, and KILLED them…by the Hundreds of Thousands!!!

The people at Abu Graib should have been treated humanely and those responsible for their mistreatment should be, and are being, punished. Let’s not forget, however, that these people are wanton murderers of the innocent. Look at what those that have not found their way to Abu Graib are doing on a daily basis to the men, women, and (most importantly) children of Iraq and you should be able to see who the Good Guys are in this situation. It is sad that so many around the world, and more so that so many within this country cannot see the good that is common in the American people.

I have respect for the pacifist, but realize they can’t exist without someone protecting their right to pacifism with a gun. It is not in this world, but the next where we can live our ideals of peace and love. For now we must thank those who guard against the evil that surrounds and would engulf us. I want to thank the brave soldiers that risk their lives to protect our freedoms as well as the lives of others…and I also want to thank the President who saw what was right and did it in the face of harsh and undeserved criticism.

Seeing

2005-05-01T16:26:00.000-04:00

It is impossible to see anything in the real realm unless you become it.
Not so in the world. You see the sun without being the sun,
see the sky and earth but are not them.
This is the truth of the world.
In the other truth, you are what you see.
If you see spirit, you are spirit.
If you look at the anointed, you are the anointed.
If you see the father, you will be the father.
In this world you see everything but yourself,
but there, you look at yourself and are what you see.

-from the Gnostic Bible

I'm not alone in this room

2005-04-20T21:38:00.000-04:00

As I walked the quad between classes, I came across a girl who was crying as she talked to someone on her cell phone. This probably would not have had much impact on me just a few years ago, not sure I even would have taken notice. I know I wouldn’t have felt the heartbreak of seeing another soul in pain that I felt tonight.

Why do we hurt each other?

I’ve spent my life wrapped up in myself, where I’m going and what I want. I’ve tried to help others as best I could, but their suffering has always been outside my experience…something foreign and distant. I’ve been comfortable and happy in my own skin. I seem to be seeing things and feeling things that didn’t intrude on my happy life before.

…not sure I like this
…hard to feel the hurt that I can’t heal
…seems like my voice is a cry in the wilderness
…I wonder at how we all became so distant from one another?
…I’m surrounded by strangers
…better just to be alone

2005-04-18T17:19:00.000-04:00

Norm on the Big Bear

Life is a Roller Coaster

2005-04-18T17:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I spent the day at the amusement park with my son. The parks are just beginning to open and this was a sort of warm-up as they get ready for the season. We went with my sister’s family, so the day was pretty much filled with fun and good friends. I’ve always liked to ride the coasters and there were a bunch of other riders in our group, so we got a lot of rides in during the day. By the time we’d left, we’d hit most of the coasters in the park and had done some of them a few times.

I’ve been accused of trying to control too much of my life. In a way this is true, but it’s not a need for control so much as a desire to be prepared and do my best (I was a Boy Scout and some things are just hard to un-learn). I like to have a handle on the situation, but am also perfectly comfortable rolling with the punches and reacting to what comes. There are people that despair over every misfortune or surprise that life gives them; they seem incapable of being happy or content and are unable to see the beauty that surrounds and fills them. I guess I can’t really judge because life has thrown me a never ending series of sweet fast balls right over the plate, but I feel that these people are needlessly causing themselves pain and I wish there was some way I could tell them that it all really doesn’t matter.

Coaster as a metaphor…There was a great speech in the movie “Parenthood” about life and roller coasters. The old woman who gave the speech talked about how some people enjoyed the ride, how they looked forward to each new thrill and twist; but others were apprehensive, the ride made them nervous and sick inside. I am one of those who love the ride; I look forward to every new bend and drop. I never have taken this life too seriously and I take it much less so now that I have found some spirituality. We’re not here long, no longer really than a roller coaster ride. When it’s over, we’ll look back and say, “I lost my stomach a time or two on that one…great ride…pretty short though.” In the end, the ride will be little more then a sweet memory.

I’m thankful to have good and true friends with me on this ride and I want you all to know I wouldn’t trade any of you for the world. I’ll try to let go a little more and be more spontaneous. I’ll always try to be a good and true friend to you and see that you’re enjoying this ride as much as I am. When we leave this amusement park, I will always treasure the memories that you’ve given me.

God

2005-04-14T17:43:00.000-04:00

...I am a voice speaking softly. I am from the beginning. I am in the silence that surrounds every one of them. And the hidden voice is in me, in intangible, immeasurable thought, in the immeasurable silence...

- from the Gnostic Bible

2005-04-12T20:10:00.000-04:00

Rick and Norm in front of the Ed Sullivan Theatre

New York State of Mind

2005-04-10T20:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I spent the day in New York City with my kids, my sister, and my brother-in-law. I'm not much for big cities, but thought I'd record some impressions. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time. I've tried to get my kids up to the city every so often as there is so much for them to see there.

Cities, generally, and especially big cities, seem such an artificial and foreign place for me. I guess those who are raised there don’t question how their needs are met on a daily basis…how the food gets in, how the garbage/waste gets out…For me, the whole idea of the reliability of those supply lines is a little disconcerting. I guess it’s stupid, but I somehow feel better knowing I can see fields of food and woods full of game close enough that I don’t need to depend on some complicated logistics system to survive. Then there’s the whole idea of the reality of the experience. To be so totally surrounded by a man-made environment would probably (over the months) really freak me out.

Still, there’s something to be said for time in the city. There are just so many things that have been brought to one place. I get a strange feeling of energy walking the streets of New York. I think it’s just a result of so many souls so close together. There’s a power there that is seductive. I think this is the draw of the big city to so many people. I hear Billy Joel’s song “New York State of Mind” and I want to jump in the car and head to the city. It’s as if there’s something in the air there that amplifies your feelings. I fear, however, that the energy of the big city pulls our focus outside ourselves and is counterproductive to our own growth. People on the street, and elsewhere, seem to be performing for each other, as if they’re looking for some external acknowledgement of their value…I would never live in the city…I don’t think you can easily be quiet with yourself there. I suspect that this is a great place to live a few years and expose yourself to much of what our culture has to offer and I might have liked to have done this for a year or two when I was young and before I had a family. Today, I can only take the city in short breaths; the crush of humanity is too much for me. It seems there’s “much ado about nothing”, with everyone scurrying off to some unimportant meeting or appointment.

I’m sure we’ll get up to New York again soon, to catch a show or see a ballgame. I’ll have a great time and enjoy the novelty of the experience…and I’ll be happy to head back home.

The Boys of Summer

2005-04-07T20:44:00.000-04:00

We had a great practice tonight.

There’s something about a father and son. Cat Stevens wrote, and sang, a great song about it back in the 70’s…it’s like being in an 18 year argument. There’s a running tension between the men in a family because, basically, they all feel like they should be in charge. This is especially hard on a young boy, who is pretty much at the bottom of the food chain. I am constantly looking for positive things that I can do with my son. He is a typical brain-damaged child and most of what he hears from me on a regular basis is negative (pick that up, turn out the light, flush the toilet, what the hell were you thinking!).

My son is very big on team sports (football and baseball). I have been coaching on his baseball teams for the last five years. He is a normal, clumsy kid and struggles as many do with some of the fine motor skills and muscle-memory needed for baseball (it takes a lot of work to be good at this game). Unfortunately, he has some grandiose ideas about his ability…I don’t know how common this is, but he catches a single fly ball and gets the idea that he’s Cal Ripkin. Last year, he played a moderately good outfield for our team... his fielding was not good enough for an infield position. At the plate, he couldn’t hit a barn with a Mack truck. I spent a lot of time with him on the off-season…playing catch and hitting at the batting cages near our house. With the repetition, he broke through the wall and is now playing up to his peers.

Tonight he played some key positions and showed some real promise. I am the team’s catching coach and I had him behind the plate. He played very well and will be one of my catchers this year (catching is one of the most difficult and important positions to the team). More surprisingly, our pitching coach had him on the mound and he preformed very well…he’s going to be in our pitching rotation. We had the boys take a fair amount of time hitting off the pitchers (our first game is ten days away). The boy hit consistently and sent a number of solid shots into the deep outfield. Finally, our manager ends every practice with a challenge where he hits difficult balls to the boys and they need to keep the hits in front of them...as they let the balls get by them, they are eliminated…my boy won tonight (second time already this year).

After the practice, I took him for a water-ice and told him how proud I was of the work he’d done to get to this point…and of the way he played tonight. He was as high as a kite! I can’t explain just how good it felt to have this singularly good moment with my son. There was no sign of our running battles, we were just enjoying each other’s company.

I’m sure this is little more than a brief cease-fire in our 18 year argument, but I think it’s one we’ll both remember as the years go by.

2005-04-05T19:57:00.000-04:00

The Coach

Death be not Proud

2005-04-04T19:59:00.000-04:00

It occured to me that I've talked a fair amount about death in this blog. I don't want anyone reading to think I am morbid or fixated, but I believe our fear of death keeps us from acknowledging a vital part of our existence...keeps us from really living!

There was a time when death was a very intimate part of everyone's life. When people saw death regularly and learned from those experiencing it. Today, we keep death as far removed from our lives as we can...we try to deny the truth of death. Those who are dying are separated (quarantined) from the rest of society. It seems to me that everyone loses here...the dying are left alone at a time when the love of family, friends, and community is important to their peaceful transition...the living are left without closure or the ability to learn from those who are experiencing what lies ahead for all of us.

I remember the last day of my Father's life. I was called home from work and spent the afternoon before he died in his room with him. My father and I had more than our fair share of issues and I will always be grateful for that final time together. I read to him...he was a sports fanatic and I read about the Superbowl that had been played two days before...although nothing was discussed openly, I felt a great peace settle between us.

How different that afternoon would have been if I had been older! I felt then that there were so many things that I just shouldn't say...BULLSHIT...If I were with him today, I would ask, "Are you afraid? Do you feel ready for what's coming? What are you thinking/feeling? Can I help?" ...We treat death as an impolite topic of discussion, even amongst the dying??! Don't we think they care?! That they might want to talk about it?!..... I want to go to a hospital and talk to dying people. I want to tell them that I care about them ... and hear what they have to say about what they're experiencing... to let them know there is someone to listen.

As regards my being morbid...I am not afraid of death anymore and I'm sure as hell gonna live every moment while I'm here.

Death of Love

2005-04-02T18:13:00.000-05:00

The Pope passed today.

When John Paul II became Pope in the late 70's, I was in High School and was an active member of the Catholic Church. As any of you who read this blog know, I am no longer a Catholic. Still, on his passing I need to write about John Paul. He is one of the few examples in my life of someone who used the power of love to change the world.

I have, as often as not, disagreed with the direction of the Catholic church over the last 30 years; I have also disagreed with many of the conservative positions of the Pope (i.e. women clergy). If I look back into the church's more distant history, I am distressed at how much suffering and death has been caused (in the name of love) and at the hands of this church.

All that said, I am in awe of the love and energy that John Paul II brought to his church and to the world. I largely credit three people with the fall of totalitarian socialism in the 20th Century: Ronald Reagan, Michael Gorbachev, and Pope John Paul II. That the Pope should play such a critical role in this rebirth of freedom and human dignity is a testament to the power of his love.

There are two spiritual figures in my lifetime in whom I see the love of the God of Light. they are the Dalai Lama and Pope John Paul II. It saddens me that I don't believe the Pope is self-aware and ready to move on ... to rejoin the Light. Still, I believe (along with the Buddhists) that the love we give comes back to us is this life and in others.

I believe and pray that the Pope's path to oneness be soft and gentle. I look forward to knowing this part of our spirit when the time comes and honor the man whose quiet compassion and devotion made this world better for all of us.

The Waiting Room

2005-04-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

God grant me patience.....Now!

It's one of those last crappy days as spring begins to overcome the winter. Baseball practice is scheduled for this afternoon, but I know I won't be on the field today...the rain and cold are endless (it was 60 and sunny yesterday). My irritation at not being where I want and doing what I want today makes me think about my lifelong struggle with patience. I've gotten so much better as I've grown older, but recently I think I've been back-peddling.

The way I feel about things and the importance of things in my life has changed dramatically over the last year. I find myself in a daily existence that is separate from my heart and my dreams. I try to be patient about my life, but constantly struggle with balancing where I want to be against where I am. I want to focus my power on the things that are most important to me, but time separates me from those things and I feel trapped in this waiting room.

Being able to write out my thoughts has been a great help and I wish I'd started this a long time ago. I can also try to get in touch with the permanence within me and remind myself that all of this is transcient and of little importance. I feel as though I were growing and am stronger within; I am better able to deal with the delays and dissapointments that life brings.

Days like today are my test... If I can keep this up, it won't be long before I'll be sitting through Insurance Conventions with a smile on my face.

2005-04-01T17:22:00.000-05:00

9/23/04 Katahdin - The day before our hike

Climb Every Mountain

2005-03-31T07:28:00.000-05:00

I climbed a mountain once. It was largely accidental, but changed my life forever. I don't doubt that I will climb more challenging mountains, but this mountain will always be my mountain. The mountain is called Katahdin and it is the northern terminus of the Appalachian Trail, located in the Baxter State Forest in Maine. As a hiker, I obviously was going to get to this hike sooner or later, but the nature of the climb took me by surprise. As we passed the tree-line and began a near vertical assent up the rock face, my partner made mention of the fact that we were hikers and that this looked more like the Matterhorn than the Appalachian trail! We both dug deep, supported each other, and made the climb; neither of us left the same as we had come.

The Indians who had inhabited that part of Maine had believed that Katahdin was a place of powerful spirits and they rarely ventured the slopes of the mountain out of respect and awe for the Gods that lived there. I can't adequately describe what I felt on Katahdin, but I agree with the Indians that there is great power in that place.

I've often wondered that people wanted their ashes left in some special place. Places never really held much sway with me before. I've often told my family that I'd be just as happy to have my body donated to science or put to some other good use. I don't feel that way anymore. Something on Katahdin got into my soul and I can no longer see the two things as separate. When I move on from this world, I want my ashes left on Katahdin.

There's a tall thin Cairn of rocks a few meters from the sign that marks the end of the Trail. This is where I want my ashes left, sprinked between the rocks of the Cairn. This will be the end of my trail in this world as well (hopefully the final end as I'm not looking to return). I finally begin to understand those who want their ashes left on a certain beach or spread over some lake and I'm happy to have been touched so deeply by something in this world. I hope you all get the pleasure at some point in your lives.

As for my wish, I feel a little guilty about it. It's a five hour climb up the mountain and I can see my children (or grandchildren) cussing the whole way up the mountain about what an ass Grandpa was and was he really worth all this work???

.... Please just don't drop me in some ash can along the way.

Come Away With Me

2005-03-30T12:20:00.000-05:00

Let us shed these tired skins and move on together
Let us leave this land of death and loneliness far behind us
Come with me into the light and we will know the oneness
... that physical love can never equal

The light that shines inside of us is the only truth
The truth of who we are and of what we belong
The light within us knows no death
Death in this world brings birth in the light

Do not hold tight to things that have no meaning
To things that bring neither joy, nor love
What you desire is yours to have
It lies within your own heart

Give Me That Old Time Religion?

2005-03-28T13:03:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a holiday trip, taking my family to visit my brother during the Easter break. My brother is a very devout Catholic and we joined them for some Easter activities at their church. On Good Friday evening, we attended an excellent production of the "Living" Stations of the Cross. High School students took on the various roles in the passsion story and there was a wonderful music group and singing. I was raised a catholic and had seen the stations many times without much thought about the morbid focus of the whole activity. My new perspective on things made me look at this very differently and I thought I'd put down some of my thoughts here.

After all the things that Jesus said to us, why the hell are we so dedicated to memorializing his death and torture and not his life and teaching.
Wouldn't a far better tribute to Jesus be to try to listen to his message to love one another?
The ritual of the church seems to keep people from sharing personal experiences and from helping each other connect to the God within us.
Sitting in these ceremonies is a lot like watching TV. I wonder how many of the congregation are engaged in the story and how many are wondering about their dinner, or where they're supposed to be later in the evening.
Wouldn't it be much better to just get together and talk with each other than to sit in these elaborate productions that don't really connect with most of the people there?
If someone wanted to design a way to keep us from our inner selves and from helping each other grow in our spirituality, I doubt they could come up with a better way of doing it than the Western religions have devised.

I'm not sure how many more times I'll find myself in church, but I'll never look at the process the same way. I no longer even find the exercise innocent, as I see it as a distrction from what we need to be to each other. I finally agree with Marx that "Religion is the opiate of the masses." But far worse than a tool of societal stratification, I feel the church is numbing us to our own potential, to our own divinity.

I've always felt that the two greatest perils in this world were church and state. I'm afraid to say that I fear them both more the older I get.

Thought for the Day

2005-03-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

I've always loved and felt comfortable with Buddhism...

"Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draws it. Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves." -Buddha

Teach Me Tonight

2005-03-22T07:32:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite sayings has always been, " When you stop learning, you start dying." I know that this one sticks deep inside me because I've spent pretty much my whole life in a classroom (with breaks of a year or two thrown in between programs of study). I tell myself that all my schoolwork is aimed at an improved way of life and security for myself and my family. That's true, but it's not as simple as that. There's something in those classrooms that I need, there's something there that helps me cope with the rest of this civilization we've built around ourselves.

I shared a dream once with my dearest friend; my dream, throughout my youth, was to have lived long enough ago to have escaped humanity. I always wanted to be a Mountain Man. To live on my own in the woods, with little or no contact with other people. A large part of this dream remains with me today. I feel fully alive and happy when I am in the woods and far removed from the modern world. There are a number of great books by James Fennimore Cooper (The Leatherstocking Tales) that tell the story of a white man that joins the Delaware indian tribe and becomes one of the noble savages. These books were written in the early-to-mid 1800's and most people find them slow/hard reading. I find these books as easy to get through as any bestseller put out today. But, for me, there's something more to the Leatherstocking Tales than just a good story; I find myself going back to these books every few years to re-escape into my imaginary life in the woods amongst the Indians. There's this part of me that wants to be alone (at least from the crowd) and wants to escape modern society... So where's the tie to the point of today's journal? When I shared my dream with my friend, she told me that I was far too much a people person to ever be able to live like that and that I'd be horribly lonely in no time.

In a way she was right. What I would be lonely for would be the interaction with other minds and spirits that only come to me in private times with my close friends and in discussing ideas in class. The friends that are able to touch my heart can be counted on one hand and are, unfortunately, busy trying to get through their lives just as I am and can't be with me always. I sometimes meet new people, at work or in some group that I belong to, and I can see the spark of true spirituality within them. When that happens, I am almost moved to the point of saying, "Hey, let's get a cup of coffee or a drink". But of course, in our world, we leave each other alone to our own paranoias. I sometimes regret the number of friends that I never knew because of the walls that we keep between each other.

So the only place I can get my fix for other souls is in school. There, we are encouraged to think outside of ourselves, we struggle together with new ideas and new ways of thinking. we are exposed to great minds and we expose ourselves to each other as we try to contribute to the communal act of learning. It's not much easier here to find others who sparkle than it is in the rest of the world, but there are enough of them, and we can be honest with each other in ways we never would be anywhere else. I can ask for that cup of coffee and conversation and expect it to happen. My only regret is that school is a "network" and the people that I meet there have drifted from my life as fast as they've entered. They're as impermanent as every thing else in this world. I'll take that bargain and if I have to live in this shallow and misdirected society, I guess I'll always be going to school. It's one of the few things that make sense to me.

Still, I wouldn't mind giving the whole Mountain Man thing a try. I bet (if I had some books with me) I could go a long time without being lonely.

Books for Sale

2005-03-20T13:10:00.000-05:00

There's just something about a book... I was on my way home from dropping my daughter at a school play and my son and I ran across a book sale at a local library. I love looking through the boxes of old books for some treasured hardback that I can pick up for $1. We stayed about an hour and ended up leaving with 5 or 6 new books. I managed to find a couple of old volumes that I'd read in younger days and wanted for my library, as well as one or two books I'd heard about and were on my list to read.

I have a study in my house that's filled with books and has a comfortable chair with a good light. I guess a lot of people loose themselves in front of the TV, but I find a good book takes me farther than anything (except time in the woods). I become so involved that I go through a withdrawal as the book ends and I realize that the new friends that I care so much about are going to be gone soon.

Stephen King (I love his books!!!) once wrote that even the most compelling character that a writer creates is no more than a bag of bones, and that these people can't ever truly touch us the way real characters do in our lives. I must, respectfully, disagree with Mr. King. There are people in my life who have changed me and made me who I am and who I'm becoming, but there are so many others that just seem to fill space. A true friend, with the spark of sprirituality is a gift I will always cherish, but I also cherish seeing that spark in a character from a book. Maybe what I'm getting in touch with is the spirituality of Stephen King, or John Irving, or Ayn Rand, but what they give me is more real than anything I get from many of the empty characters that populate my life. As I sit here, waiting for summer to come and my travels to begin, I'll crack a good book and read by a warm light, and I'll thank the author for sharing some of their spirituality with me. I don't much care about movie stars or sports heroes, but there are a number of authors that I'd like to meet if for no other reason than to thank them and to tell them that they've made a diffierence.

If we can't be together, then open a good book. It's funny, but if you look hard enough, you'll see the best of us are all in there.

Take Me Out to the Ball Park!

2005-03-19T19:54:00.000-05:00

Baseball...I know there are some who agree with the statement that, "baseball is 15 minutes of action packed into 3 hours." I also know that watching baseball on TV, especially for someone who hasn't/doesn't play the game is about as exciting as watching the grass grow. But there's something in the game that I can't find in any other sport. I could understand completely the things that James Earl Jones was saying in Field of Dreams. Baseball has that place in my heart. There's just something about the game that speaks to a better way of approaching life than the clock-watching that we focus on so much in other sports (and far too much in the rest of our lives).

Today was the first practice for my son's baseball team. I've been coaching his teams for the last four years and it's always a great day to get out there for that first practice of spring. There's still a nip in the air, the field is green and the sound of balls smacking cleanly into the gloves and the crack of the bats (and an occasional warm moment in the sun) speaks to the coming of summer. I can't think of too many things that feel better than a ball smacking into my glove and this is one of the things that I know I miss during the winter months here in the north.

I also see baseball as a right of passage, as a way of connecting with our youth. As I watch my son play, it seems I can touch the years of my life spent on the diamond at his age. It's a connection with my past that is more tangible than most other memories. I can see many of the same emotions in the faces of the other men that work in the league with me, it seems that we are all closer together for having those common memories and for carrying on the game with the next generation. I'm sure those involved with football and basketball feel much the same, but I don't believe what those games give us compares with what we get from baseball.

Unfortunately, the professional game has lost its way since I was a boy and I don't spend too much time with it (I do love seeing a bush league game on occassion), but being on the field with a bunch of ten-year-olds that are just starting to get a grip on thier motor skills is an incredible way to spend a Saturday afternoon. I can't tell you how much it means to see a kid that's been struggling when they finally begin to understand catching or hitting. They beam at you as they realize that they really can play this game. I'm not sure how many more years I'll be coaching, but I wouldn't trade this time with the kids for anything. We'll be back out on the field tomorrow, games start in a few weeks and we have a lot to get ready for...

What is Your Drug?

2005-03-16T03:43:00.000-05:00

We have a war on drugs, but I think we're fighting the wrong enemy. I'm really ambivalent about drugs, what upsets me is the constant barage that we all face every day of our lives. The noise that fills our heads and keeps us from being quiet and looking within, from growing to know ourselves and each other. What this does to our sense of ourselves and our place in the world is more dangerous than any drug.

Was the TV on when you got home last night? How much of your daily thinking is focused on the noise of our modern society? How much time to you spend in reflection; asking yourself about who you are, what you want, where you're going, what's important? Having spent my whole life working in technology, this may sound a little disingenuous, but please turn off your TV and go outside, turn off your cell phone and your internet connection too. I'm willing to bet it will reduce your stres and you'll learn more than watching 100 hours of TV. It seems more and more that the time I am most at peace is the time I spend deep in the woods with my best friend. I hope you all can a find something that lets you escape and be yourself. When you do, I hope you have someone to share it with.

I guess I'm getting anxious as the season gets closer (and I can't bring it here faster). Where I grew up (Florida), we didn't have seasons and there was no down-time for being in the woods. We lost something, though, in that we never had the beauty of the renewal of spring after the long winter. The colors were never so bold as they are here (although we had them year-round). Also, the woods weren't as inviting; Palmetto scrub, scorpions, and snakes were a far cry from the wonderful woods and trails of the Northeast. I'll try to work on my patience and be thankful that the trail will be ready in a few weeks when I'm ready to go. When I get there, I'll say a prayer for all of you and hope that you can find some of the happiness that I will be experiencing, and have someone as wonderful as my friend to share it with.

The Talisman

2005-03-14T08:46:00.000-05:00

There's not many material things that carry much weight with me anymore... I'm not perfect, but I'm no longer as into "stuff" as I used to be. I doubt I could part with my books, but I think I'd do fine losing just about everything else. There is, however, one thing that would devastate me if it ever went missing. It has no real monetary value ... it's just a little silver coin with a Celtic cross on one side and the word "Faith" on the other. This coin has become my Talisman. It was given to me by the love of my life ... she was trying to bring faith into the heart of a sceptic scientist. I carry the coin with me always and say a quick prayer over it every morning... A prayer of thanks for the wonderful things that I've been given in this life and a prayer that she be kept safe and happy until I see her again.

Sometimes physical things can bring us closer to people (or to God); I guess this explains why lifetimes were spent building cathedrals and pyramids. While I appreciate the artistry and work that went into these places, I'm not moved in a spiritual way by them. I always thought this was because of my lack of faith, but now feel that it was because these places were not my Talisman. They meant something to those who built them and prayed in them, they helped them get closer to their God... I have found other Talisman and other ways to connect to the light within me. I hope someday do be able to find my spiritual center without the props. I hope to be able to escape like the Buddhist monks, who can connect with their true selves through meditation. I will continue to try to grow in my faith and connect myself more with the spiritual and less with the material, but I still need to lean on the things that help me make this connection. Spring is coming and I'm ready for a long walk in the woods (several days worth). I'm ready to spend time with REAL people, who I love and who love me... Still, I'm not quite ready to remove the training wheels ... and I'm not letting go of my little coin.

Is it You?

2005-03-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

In an earlier post, I talked about people that have that certain spark. About people that draw others to themselves and that impact our hearts as we go through our lives. What about the rest of those that we share this world with? What about those that are clearly evil and malevolent?

I wonder if there aren't many that inhabit this world that are devoid of divine spirit, that are not part of the one true light to which we are destined to return. I've enountered this idea many times before. In "Breakfast of Champions", Kurt Vonnegut throws out the concept that everyone else on the planet is programmed and we are the only being of free-will, that it's all an experiment to see how we'll react. In one of his songs, Ian Anderson writes, " Do you ever get the feeling...that everyone is on a stage and you're the only person sitting in the audience?"

I know and love the many people that have been in my life and touched my heart. I cherish and will always look for other children of the light. I hope to sow as much happiness in this world as I can and to always do my best to help others. I believe, however, that there will always be some that will not be helped. I don't believe that the God of Light holds sway over the evil people in this world. They are outside of his influence. It is for us to help those who are hurt by the evil ones, to minimize the pain and suffering that they engender.

Most religions make excuses for why God would allow evil in this world, I have never accepted their explanations. I don't look for God to make this world a better place. God lives in my heart and it is up to me to do what I can to reduce suffering in this world. I don't believe that any Hell awaits, only that those who walk through this world soulless will not enter the light (as they were never a part of the light). The only God here is us. We are here for each other and must love and care for each other as best we can. When our work here is done, and when we realize what we truly are, we will return to the light together and once more become one with God.

Carpe Deim

2005-03-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

Seize the Moment, that's never really been my approach to life. I've always put off and planned to get to where I really wanted to be. I sometimes wonder now if the pot at the end of the rainbow was worth what I missed while I single-mindedly pursued it. I've been thinking a lot about my moments lately; my moments matter a lot more to me than they once did. That may sound like I'm clinging to something as I get older, but nothing could be further from the truth. I've come to believe that I won't be passing this way again and I seem to want to drink in the good things on my last ride.

I read a book once, a very good book, called "Tuesdays with Morrie". In this book Morrie imparts wisdom to a young friend as he goes through a long death from ALS. At one point in the book, Morrie talks to his friend about leaving no regrets, about living his life as though a little bird sat on his shoulder ready to tell him, "Today is your day to die, are you ready?" I love this philosophy and can honestly tell all of you that I'm ready to go today.

I have been blessed with some very wonderful people in my life and have certainly gotten much more than I deserved. I want you all to know I love you and thank you for your friendship, but that if I am suddenly lost to you, I will go happily and cherish what you've given me.

While we're here together, I want to have as many good memories as we can build. Nothing is more important to me than you. I hope that I show you that and that you never have to question whether I'm with you when I'm with you. I will enjoy our times together and try not to let the little things in life get in the way of what's really important - you. I'm not sure why God brought us together, but I feel blessed when I think that I rated a friend like you.

Who do you love?

2005-03-10T20:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am surprised by the reaction of people to minor criticism, or just to not having everything go exactly their way. I wonder at these times what might be going on inside to amplify these little inconveniences in life to the point where they effect someone's mood and outlook so dramatically. It seems to me that a lot of these instances are caused when the trigger is hitting close to something inside that person that they aren't happy with, some part of themselves that they don't really like too much.

It can sometimes be hard to love someone that you know REALLY well. They say, "absense makes the heart grow fonder". If so, familiarity must breed contempt. Who do you know better than yourself? How hard is it to live with the warts that we all know we have? I have been lucky enough to be fairly comfortable in my own skin, even though I've done a lot that I'm not proud of and a few things that I'm ashamed of. When you're not happy with yourself, it is much easier to be short or unkind to others. It seems like the bad things we do start us on a visciuos cycle of self-recrimination and more bad behaviour.

I'm going to try to love myself a little more...to give myself a break on some of things that I'm not too proud of and to pat myself on the back for some of the good things that I've done. I'll also try to look for good in others and point it out to them so that they can feel a little better about themselves. I really believe that if we could just learn to love ourselves a little more, we'd all be a hell of a lot better to each other.

I believe that God lies within all of us. Even if there's a lot inside me that I'm not comfortable looking at, God is also in there somewhere and there's certainly plenty worth loving too. Funny how people seem to know when your happy with yourself and they seem to gravitate to you. Looks like a no-lose bargain. I'll spend a little time every day telling myself that I'm not that bad a guy after all - I hope you do the same.

What Network are You on?

2005-03-06T12:18:00.000-05:00

I spoke briefly in an earlier post about the disconnection between ourselves and the people that are important in our lives, our family. The way families grew and loved and lived together for thousands of years changed in the last century and a half; the time we spent with our family was replaced by the time we spend as part of a "network". I want to write in this post about what has replaced the family in our lives and why, I believe, that many of us are lost and unable to cope in the psuedo-families that we now try to live in. We are all members of "networks", the people we work with, clubs we belong to, people who route for the same sports teams. Even our children and parents have been placed in networks; our children are in the school network and many of the elderly are in networks of nursing homes. It is espescially bad for our children as they no longer spend that time with the elderly that they once did.

We get a false sense of family in our networks. We talk to Joe over the water cooler about last night's TV show or the game on Friday. This, for too many, is the foundation we are buidling our lives on. There is no permanence in a network. Joe leaves for another job and you start talking to Ann over the water cooler. Our relationships are paper thin. Will Joe or Ann be there for you if you are sick for a year with Cancer? Will they care for you? And what happens when Joe gets that new job in San Diego? Some networks are stronger than others, and certainly they do provide much to many of us, but I wonder if what we've lost can ever be replaced by what we have? I wonder if many of the problems with our families today are not caused by too much networking?

I am reassessing the things that are important in my life. I spent a lot of time chasing material things and trying to move up in the networks that I belonged to, trying to be key in those relationships. I know that I live in this world and will always be networking, but I'm going to spend more time with the people that really matter to me. I need the company of people who don't care what my contribution to the bottom line is. I honestly don't care who won the Super Bowl. I hope when I'm with the people that I consider to be my family that they will feel the same way and that we can, together, build a refuge from the networks that fill and cheapen our lives.

2005-03-06T09:57:00.000-05:00

Norm Shaw

How Much is That Dog in the Window

2005-03-04T23:09:00.000-05:00

Funny world we live in. It seems we are all well trained to be good consumers. Everyone knows that TV is doing it, but not everyone realizes how much it takes place in our schools and workplaces. It seems that we all suffer the same psychosis. Everyone believes that the next "thing" (the next car, the next new pair of shoes, the next house) will be what makes us happy. How disappointed we are when we bring our new acquisition home only to find that it hasn't filled the emptiness inside of us. Why isn't there a dialogue going on about the focus of our lives and how it is destructive to our happiness? The media that speaks to us obviously don't want us to stop buying. Happiness is no more common, and probably less so, amongst the rich and powerful than it is with the poor. Why are so many in third world countries generally happy? How do they live in such poverty without a suicide rate as high as ours (or even much higher)? Maybe thay have something we've lost; perspective. Your happiness most often comes to you through doing things you enjoy, with people you care about. How much time do you do this? How big a part of you life (your daily clock) do you spend with the people who matter to you, with those you love. Your children are in school and you spend most of your time in an office full of people who are not really friends, family or close community. Maybe the things that we do so well, making and selling and buying, are not the things that really matter. I know that I am going to try to focus on the things that are important to me; to my children and to the people that I love. It's funny how much better I feel by just admitting to myself that this is what I want and need. It's as if the blinders have been removed and I finally see how futile the pursuits of my life have been. I can't believe how little I care now for the things that once mattered to me; position, money, a beautiful home full of beautiful things, travel. I actually think I could be very happy in a cave (provided it's filled with the right people). I don't doubt that I'm not still as big a Capitalist as all the rest of you, but I know I will think more about you and less about what I have from here on in, I hope some of you do the same.

Where do You Pray?

2005-03-01T22:20:00.000-05:00

I was raised a Roman Catholic and spent my youth in musty churches reciting prayers that had little meaning to me, to a God that didn't make sense. Is it any wonder that I lost the early years of my adulthood in denial of God? So where do I pray now, where do I find God in my life?As I mentioned in my last post, I have come to see God in many of the friends (and even in the faces of some strangers) that have made this life such a good one for me.

But where and how do I pray? I have a church that meets my needs and leaves me feeling closer to God and myself. this church isn't in a building, but lies in the forest. I spend as much time as I can get away and hike with my closest friend on the Appalacian trail. We talk about our lives and about God, we share the time together and we lose ourselves from the meaningless things in this world that get in the way of spiritual growth. I have been doing this now for several years and to say that these times away have changed my life would not be an exaggeration. She has saved me by bringing God into my life; not the distant, illogical God of my youth, the God who allowed the righteous to be damned and evil to befall the good. The God that I know today is a God that lives within us; a God that inspires us to to care for each other, for we are all of one spirit. Look no further for your God than within your own heart. he does not ask for stale prayers from us, but only that we love each other and that we start by loving ourselves. When you love yourself, you love God and until you love yourself, you cannot love others.

Do You See It?

2005-02-28T17:30:00.000-05:00

I have often thought that many of the people that I share this world with are walking through their lives in a dream. They do not seek or accept the beauty that is around and within them, They strive for what does not bring happiness and in their striving, they forget to live.

In the Gospel of Thomas, his students asked Jesus when the kingdom will come, and he replies, " It will not come because you are watching for it. No one will anounce, "look here it is," or, "Look there it is." the father's kingdom is spread out upon the earth and people do not see it.

I have come to know when I meet people, whether or not they are awake, whether or not their minds and hearts are open to the mysteries that surround us. It seems that some people carry a spark and this spark draws others to them. I believe that the spark and the awareness are part of the same thing. I feel this awareness, this spark, is related to the age and purity of the soul; that there are some who are closer to being ready to move on (as the Buddhists would say). I have always been drawn to these people and many of them have passed through my life. I miss those that I no longer see or share my life with and I especially cherish the ones that remain a part of my life. It is only with these friends that I'm able to get past the superficial topics that seem to fill the minds of so many. Only these people are able to fill my heart and make me feel happy. I believe that is why these people are a constant draw to others; even those who walk through their lives in their sleep seem to recognize the spark of a true soul, and to be drawn to it.

I believe it is in those pure souls and in ourselves that we must seek God and Heaven. I know I see him when I look at ones such as these and I feel that he is in fact the spark, the awareness that draws us together. As Jesus said in Thomas' gospel, "the father's kingdom is spread out upon the earth and people do not see it." Perhaps God sits beside you now as you read this, if so, kiss her and tell her that you know her.

Epiphany

2005-02-27T12:07:00.000-05:00

Hello, my name is Norman and I had an epiphany today.

I am 43 years old and have walked through this world incredulous at the lack of love and compassion that exists. Like many, I have wondered at the horrible things that befall both good and bad in this world and have never been able to accept the platitudes that were passed out by organized religion about how God might let these things happen.

I have been introduced to Gnostic writings by a dear friend and have begun to study them and how they relate to this world and to our place in it. This morning, I read the Gospel of Thomas and felt the strongest truth in what I was reading. For the first time, I found myself exposed to teachings that actually felt right in my heart.

I spent most of my life as an Objectivist as this seemed the only logical philosophy in a purely material world. I have avoided the spiritual, as a scientist, I always felt that religion (and God?) was a creation of man in his fear of death. I now believe that we are already dead and living in a dead world and that there is nothing for us to fear. I started this blog today to give me a way to share my journey on this new path and to find others that feel as I do. I will continue to post my thoughts and ideas and hope to find a community where this philosophy can grow.