The Waiting Room

God grant me patience.....Now!

It's one of those last crappy days as spring begins to overcome the winter. Baseball practice is scheduled for this afternoon, but I know I won't be on the field today...the rain and cold are endless (it was 60 and sunny yesterday). My irritation at not being where I want and doing what I want today makes me think about my lifelong struggle with patience. I've gotten so much better as I've grown older, but recently I think I've been back-peddling.

The way I feel about things and the importance of things in my life has changed dramatically over the last year. I find myself in a daily existence that is separate from my heart and my dreams. I try to be patient about my life, but constantly struggle with balancing where I want to be against where I am. I want to focus my power on the things that are most important to me, but time separates me from those things and I feel trapped in this waiting room.

Being able to write out my thoughts has been a great help and I wish I'd started this a long time ago. I can also try to get in touch with the permanence within me and remind myself that all of this is transcient and of little importance. I feel as though I were growing and am stronger within; I am better able to deal with the delays and dissapointments that life brings.

Days like today are my test... If I can keep this up, it won't be long before I'll be sitting through Insurance Conventions with a smile on my face.