I'm Free

I had an interesting experience the other night…

I recently took my daughter to see the movie “V is for Vendetta”, which was an incredibly good movie, with a very meaningful message. But the point I want to bring into this entry is associated with a particular event in the film…one of the lead characters is tortured and overcomes her lifelong fear of death. When this happens, her antagonist tells her that she is free.

I had a massive stroke when I was 29 (15 years ago) and was not expected to survive or recover…obviously, I came out of that experience fine and have done relatively well since. I had a small spell a few weeks back while traveling. My vision went blurry for about 20 seconds and I experienced some dizziness. Normally this wouldn’t be a big issue, but with my history it made me take notice. I went to see my doctor when I got home and it doesn’t seem like this one will do me in either (it was probably just strange food or something). The point is that the brief scare gave me something of a revelation…

One evening between the dizzy spell and my seeing my doctor, we had company over and did a fair amount of drinking (ended up singing Karaoke). As I lay in bed that night, I had a headache that centered on one side of my head. It occurred to me later that this was a result of waaay too much wine, but the mind wanders late at night when you aren’t sleeping. I wondered for a moment as I lay in bed if the dizzy spell wasn’t the messenger of another large stroke coming on and if it wasn’t possible that I wouldn’t be getting up in the morning. It surprised me that the thought of dying had no fear for me at all. I was completely ready to go and comfortable with the whole idea of moving on.

I have had the same fears about death that most people have and it was such a liberating feeling to realize that I have come past all that. I have good friends and a great life and I don’t expect to leave here any time soon, but it is incredible to know that I will no longer worry about when my time arrives or regret my leaving this place and moving on. I will enjoy every moment and not focus on endings. I feel as free as the character in the movie…I hope you have the opportunity to recognize that death is nothing to be afraid of and that you can leave without regrets…I hope you find your freedom too.

Best! Norm.